The Winner Takes It All - H.S

03|tell me, whats wrong?

SONG OF THE CHAPTER: girl put your records on
Blue as the sky, sunburnt and lonely
Sipping tea in a bar by the road side
(Just relax, just relax)
Don't let those other boys fool you...

ELENI

July 17th: What a night

Later on in the evening, after we finished rehearsal, the girls and I went to Rhea's house to get ready. Excitement began to mix with a small dose of anxiety and I couldn't quite put my finger on why I felt the way I did. In addition to that, I also had no idea what to write to Aphrodite - I ended up scribbling some foolish words!
I panicked! Everything was going so quickly, my mind on other things. Especially the conversation we all had earlier. You know, the whole 'little love affair/ one night stand with a stranger'. I think I had begun to start regretting even saying it aloud ... but that was before our eyes locked across a crowded room, like in a film! How was I supposed to know that I'd feel something out of the ordinary?
How was I supposed to understand that very feeling?
It was all him. From the moment Harry turned up on the island, out of the blue - like some kind of miracle - everything just fell into place...

"What did you write to Aphrodite?"

"That's private Talia!" Exclaimed Rhea.

Their bickering began from there. This was a usual occurrence... diary? I don't know what to call you. This feels really silly but like I said but the want to write down tonight's event subpasses any dislike I have about writing a diary. I'll have to find a name for you eventually... Anyway, as you will see, Talia and Rhea bicker like an old married couple and I would always be the middle woman.

"Well why not?" Talia exclaimed.

"Because it's private!" Rhea rebutted, anger deep in her tone.

My pencil had hovered over the blank piece of paper as I listened absentmindedly to their conversation in the background. Like a hushed roar of a crowd, the auditorium watches in awe as you silence them for an important speech and... nothing. No words come out. The mic clasped tightly in your hands, a thousand eyes waiting for you to open your mouth and say something. But you don't.

"Private?" Talia laughed, almost scoffing at the declaration. "We share everything... including our first kiss with a boy!"

"That was supposed to be a secret!"

"We tell each other everything!"

That's what this feels like, stage fright, but instead of standing in front of a crowd my audience is a blank piece of paper. My mind had drawn a blank, I couldn't express any type of emotion or describe how I felt. Had my past letters always been this hard to write for me? I wouldn't know, it had been so long since I had written to Aphrodite. I had also been a small child then full of wonder of the world she lived in, longing to grow and fall in love quickly.

The feeling that I'm losing her forever...

I supposed that's what I went off and did, fell in love with Finn but now that was gone and I had lost myself.

"And I suppose you were not telling me about your three ways for my own good or were we actually telling each other everything?"

Somewhere along the line we grew apart, forgetting ourselves in something we mistook for love.

and without really entering her world.

"Who told you about that?" a voice exclaimed. "Lane?"

Deciding to break off things with Finn was one of the best decisions that I've ever made. I had realised when I thought about what the next five years together would have felt like, all I ever saw was us together but we weren't happy. So we broke up. Yes, I broke our hearts in the process but I also saved us from the place we had become entrapped in. A place of comfort, where love became almost nonexistent between us and we were just together because of that feeling. I didn't want that for myself. Besides, we were polar opposites and wanted different things.