Uhm.
Yeah.
August 14, 2021
Not a very happy day, I guess.
Got a lot more irritated at simple things in the last few days, I've been getting this way for a few days. I guess, I haven't been feeling well lately.
It just hasn't started recently. Its been going on for a few months. On and off, but I mentally don't feel okay. When I don't feel mentally okay, I don't feel physically okay either. I've been nauseous all day.
I mean, I'm getting treated okay.
My grandfather said "That's disgusting" to two gay men kissing. I thought it would be okay if I came out in the future but now I'm so hesitant.
His opinion doesn't matter that much now. I haven't an amazing girlfriend that I live dearly and would never break up with over something this stupid. It still hurts. I won't get accepted.
And then I just haven't been okay.
I don't know what's wrong or how to help it. I've been getting insecure a lot and unhappy at the slightest things. I blame my anxiety but I don't know what I would have it for.
I'm unmotivated. I haven't done anything in days. I lay in bed until 5 PM and then I'm forced up. But then I just watch TV and lay on the couch and eat all day. It doesn't help me.
School starts in a few weeks. I haven't been more scared really. I'm going with cyber school because I don't want to go back. I know I'm not going to fit in. I have no friends. My only friend lives in a different state and she can't help me. My girlfriend lives in a different state and can't help me.
I'm basically scared. I'll be the weird quiet one that everyone hates. I'll fail this school year. I know it.
I'm just, really unhappy with myself and the way my life is going. And I can't tell anyone because my parents don't need two children going to therapy.
Lazy, a brat, a jerk, stupid, dumbass are the things I get called. Usually weekly and I do everything wrong. I'm basically ranting about myself and its stupid.
Other people have it worse than me. I'm too selfish to Realize that but I'm ranting Anyway. Selfish, emotional, arrogant.
I'm several things. But a good person is not one of them.
