September 20th
I've been sick awhile now. About a week almost.
I've come to a conclusion that having a sinus infection has made me feel better than not being sick. Its like a distraction from all the mental sickness. I've been happier when I'm sick. I've been having good days.
Now I'm taking medicine and my sinus infection is going away and I honestly feel terrible because being sick felt so much better than being normal. But every good thing has to end.
And my in love self has been fucking up a lot. I fuck up a lot. Its what I do. I mean, my girlfriend is amazing and beautiful and the best person in my life and I love her so much. But then there's me who says what she thinks and has no boundaries. I said I'd forget it but I know how I am. I never forget stuff like this. I can still remember the last time we had something like this and it doesn't feel good.
I just want to be a good girlfriend so I can give her what she deserves. She deserves so much. And I can't ever give her anything because I can never treat a girl like a lady and I fuck up so much.
I fuck up. A lot. I say things I shouldn't say, do things I shouldn't do, and it bites me in the ass. I want it to stop but it won't ever stop because I'm just the selfish prick who hurts people. The world revolves around me.
Its just a shitty day in my shitty life.
I'm really sorry, babe. I love you.
