August 26th.
Kill me is my mood.
Terrible day.
Feeling like shit.
First off, I slept in, didn't make me feel good. I'm tired as hell and I just wanna go to sleep and never wake up.
Yawning as I'm writing this.
My sister was fucking annoying today and wouldn't leave me alone. She went to a doctor's appointment today and if it was what my dad thought it was, she wouldn't be able to swim. It wasnt what he thought and she could swim. She asked if I could watch her because she's younger. I said no and took a little nap. I woke up from that nap and felt like shit.
I could do one thing for my younger sister but I said no. After I did absolutely nothing today. All because I didn't want to get dressed or move.
Honestly, I feel more like laying in bed and not doing anything. I hear my phone vibrate and I'm just "Ugh. Shut the fuck up." Then I see the text and see its my girlfriend. Then I don't think that. I'm happier to know she texted me.
Then I was eating dinner and my dad said I ate too much junk food. Coming from a fucking 50 year old man. I called him rude and got really insecure about myself. Now I'm just ashamed to eat at all. I feel like I'm getting judged by everyone. Sometimes I don't eat all day until I'm left alone.
I was actually beginning to accept myself and realize it was okay to be the way I am. But now I can't even eat dinner in my own house without getting judged. Its making me really insecure and upset and I can't really keep doing it.
I already hide in my room and listen to music all day.
And to make that better is school starting Monday. My girlfriend starts Tuesday but she's in person. I'm cyber. Its hurting. We used to be able to talk all day and she could put a smile on my face. Now we won't be able to talk for six or seven hours.
She's the only reason I'm basically happy right now. I'm a love sick idiot who fell so hard for a beautiful girl. I can barely get out of bed. I have to drag myself everywhere. And the one damn time I think I'm doing something good, I get shit down and told its not good enough.
I'm ready to crawl in a hole and never come out. Just like my sexuality. Stay fruity.
