Rhythm

Prologue

The feeling of invisibility, nandyan ka naman pero hinahanap padin nila yung wala. Saan kaya lulugar ang mga kagaya ko? Kagaya kong pilit na lumalaban at umaasang isang araw makikita din ang kahalagahan ko. Most of people keep calling me "KSP" (kulang sa pansin), Pabida, Pabibo, Maingay... Annoying. I wasn't offended; in fact, I got used to it.

High School Day's. Sabi nila ito daw ang pinakamasayang stage ng buhay ng isang tao. Well, totoo naman. I can find genuine happiness in school. Iba ako kapag  kasama ko ang mga kaibigan ko. Sa school I'm visible, naririnig, napapasin, at pinapansin. I don't need to be prim and proper. Sometimes, I get confused ... of who am I? of what should I feel.

I ditch my class most of the time just to talk with our janitors or guards in school. Kasi sa kanila ko na hahanap ang pakiramdam na kinakausap ng magulang, feeling those warm hug melting my heart. I kept talking and asking questions of what kind of parent are they to their children kasi baka kagaya din sila ng parents ko na normal lang 'yon. But collecting those answer and end up na ako lang pala, sakin lang pala ganon... It made me numb and kills me gradually.

I grew up with having a thought na bakit kaya ganto sila?. Some of My classmates get annoyed when I'm around. Bakit ayaw nila sakin? Bakit walang may gusto sakin? I'm nobody's favorite. Should I stop breathing? Should I stop living here? Siguro nga kailangan ko na ding umalis at hanapin ang lugar na para sakin. A place where I'll be valued.

One afternoon when my teacher call me to the guidance office. Cards giving, I'm a bit nervous kasi ang dami akong absent this pass months. Nakatambay sa cr kung saan doon palaging naglilinis si Ate Linda. One of my favorite janitor here in school. Minsan pinipili ko nalang tumambay sa Cr kaysa umatend ng klase.

"Hello Miss Velez, I call your attention to give personally your card. Here, congratulations you really did very well." She held my hand and squeeze a little.

I gave a very small smile before leaving. I came out on top. Which I didn't expect tho, but on the other hand, I need this title to be the top one. That was the least thing I could do, so my Mom would be proud and notice me. But, I was wrong only my Dad can see it.

"Ate Linda. Can you attend my awarding ceremony next week?" Bungad ko pagkapasok ng CR sabay upo sa sink. Wala akong nakitang tao pero may naririnig akong naglilinis, kaya alam ko nandito si Ate Linda.

"Ano?!" Takang tanong niya habang nagma-map nang sahig.

"Top one po ako this grading," I said with no emotion.

She peek quickly saka bumalik sa ginagawa niya. "Talaga? Congrats Anak. Teka, hindi ba dapat mga magulang mo ang umatend?".

"Hindi naman sila pupunta eh." I said with no emotion.

Lumapit siya sa isang baldi kung saan nakalagay ang nga gamit niya panglinis at kumuha ng isang basahan. Binasa niya iyon sa isang sink sa tabi ko at nagsimulang magpunas. "A-ah ... E-eh... May trabaho ako niyan ,Kena. At isa pa wala akong damit baka pagtawanan kapa ng mga kaklase mo at akalain na janitor nanay mo."

"Yan lang ba ang problema Ate Linda? I'm going to give you a blow out." Tumalon ako sabay wink.