Arranged

VII

" Do you need me or do you need someone there is a difference."
                                                        - Rupi Kaur

In the days following my move-in, I found myself more and more on edge. The wedding was in two days, and I hadn't said more than three words to Kai Parker since the day that I had arrived.

I spent most of those days in complete solitude. I didn't make an effort to talk to anyone. I was only spiraling into a greater depression.

Delia would come in every once in a while and ask if I ever needed anything, but never cared to talk to me. It all felt so forced. It all felt so wrong.

I knew I'd have to become a member of their society soon enough, so I took my time enjoying the loneliness of it all before I couldn't be by myself any more.

There was a soft knock at my door.

"Come in," I called.

The door opened, and my heart immediately began to beat faster in panic. My mother walked in, holding my dreaded bridal gown and sat it down beside me on the bed. "You don't ever have to speak to me again, but please don't mess this up for yourself."

She didn't give me time for a response; she turned her back and walked out, closing the door behind her.

I had no reaction. At first.

But then the anger came swarming in and so did the pain. None of this made sense to me. Every part of this mess seemed like a fever dream. I couldn't scream or yell, so I resolved to crying. Messing this up for myself would mean running away, and living the life I wanted. That didn't seem so bad to me but to everyone else, that was the ultimate crime.

The tears felt like streams running down my face. It wasn't until then that I realized that I truly was alone in this world. Not even my "fiancé" was someone I could turn to.

I glared at the dress limply laying beside me as I wiped my eyes. It wasn't even the one I picked out. It had no value to me. Just a symbol of my freedom being taken away, and a new life of eternal torment.

I hated it. Everything about the dress, everything about me. All of it. I didn't even have to confidence to leave. I was a weakling. Stuck and afraid like a deer in headlights.

Nothing made sense to me. Nothing about the entire situation made sense to me. I felt manipulated in more ways than one.

After a while of crying and feeling sorry for myself, I fell asleep. Sleep was my only escape now. I was going to take advantage of it.

"Miss Rowan? Are you awake?"

Delia's voice outside of the door startled me awake and I sat up abruptly rubbing my eyes with my fists.

"Yes, I'm sorry. What is it?"

Delia was quiet for a moment before continuing, "Kai and Mr. and Mrs. Parker have invited you to dinner. It'll be ready in a few moments," she called.

My heart sped up. Dinner? By myself with the Parkers? A small little part of me wanted to run and climb out of the window, but I knew I couldn't. I wouldn't make it very far, and I knew the repercussions of being brought back to Kai would only make it worse for myself.

I sighed, "alright. I'll be down in a little while."

Delia didn't respond which left me thinking she was annoyed with my response. It wouldn't be the first time someone here was annoyed with me and it definitely wouldn't be the last.

After stalling as much as I could, I put on a small amount of concealer to lighten up my under eyes, and I brushed my hair. They weren't getting the best me. No one deserved it, not even myself.