Arranged

VIII

"Sometimes
I love you means
I want to love you

Sometimes
I love you means
I'll stay a little longer

Sometimes
I love you means
I'm not sure how to leave

Sometimes
I love you means
I have nowhere to go"
- Rupi Kaur

~

There was a knock at my door.

I sat up immediately, "Yes?"

Delia opened it and stuck her head in.

"Miss Rowan, Kai requested that I have the staff prepare you breakfast, it is ready whenever you'd like."

My stomach was far from hungry.

"I think I'll skip for now Delia, thank you."

Delia frowned, "alright, if you need anything at all, just give me a ring," she said pointing to the small control box beside my bed. It was odd that I hadn't noticed it before.

I smiled and mumbled my thanks as she closed the door.

I sighed loudly after I was sure she was gone and down the hallway. She was trying, I'll give her credit.

I thought about making an appearance downstairs, but ultimately decided against it. It was kind that he thought of me for breakfast, if he even did; but it was the bare minimum. I rolled over and groaned. He gave me mixed feelings so badly. He was more thoughtful of me behind my back, but to my face, he was the worst person imaginable. How could a marriage like that last longer than a week?

I knew today would be different. Especially since today was the day of the rehearsal.

The rehearsal and everything that came along with it made me more than nauseous. Just the thought alone made me feel physically ill. Having to face an entire room of people who only looked at me as a pawn, including my own parents constantly critiquing my every move made me want to vomit. The dinner itself last night was excruciating, but now the wedding?

My thoughts lingered to the dreadful "family" dinner I had endured the night before, but the conversation between Kai and his mother was the thing that stuck in my head the most.

Kai mentioned last night about something that happened between my family and his a long time ago, that I still felt confused about. What could have been so bad that I was insulted because of it?

My parents were never good people, and they have a lot of burnt bridges themselves; but what could have happened between my parents and the Parkers that I was stuck in the line of fire for?

My head hurt to think about the possible reasoning behind Kai's statement, and I already saw enough of my parent's true colors this week alone.

They claimed all they wanted for me was to be happy but for some apparent reason, Kai and his sketchy business was the first thing in line for the job. With what Lillian had said last night, my parents weren't really thinking about anyone's happiness besides theirs and the Parker's.

I sighed again. Happy. I could kiss that feeling goodbye once tomorrow hit.

For as far as I knew, happy and Kai Parker in the same sentence didn't exist, it was a structural error.

Our relationship was one for the books under the word "dysfunction" in the dictionary. Not that I had ever given marriage or relationships any prior serious thought, I knew most weren't like this.