Yoongi's Rules • MYG

Twenty Eight

Yoongi walked you back against the wall gently and for a moment his body pressed into yours, intensifying the kiss. His mouth felt hotter than usual, tongue demanding as it stroked across yours. His hands were rougher as they eased down your sides to your hips. Then he held you in place as he stepped back shaking his head, all the anger still bubbling under the surface.

"No, you're just distracting me so you don't have to tell me the truth. Stop it Y/N. Either talk to me or I mean it, you can't stay here." His dark eyes usually vibrant with life had gone glassy, a haze rolling over them as they rimmed with tears again.

You had to stop this, everything was going in circles because you couldn't communicate like a functioning adult. You had to play around, over think, jump to conclusions and act self righteous. You balled your fists up your nails digging into your palms painfully. You'd caused this, you could stop it at any moment and you were ripping him apart anyway. You didn't deserve his love, but as that thought popped into your head you felt even more angry.

These were the things you'd told yourself that brought you to this very place. The brick wall you'd assembled between yourself and anyone who stood the threat of getting close to you. If you kept everyone in your outer circle you could enjoy their presence but be off the hook for everything else.

"I love you Yoongi. I've loved you for weeks. You are not the problem, it's me." You saw tension roll off him, like he was deflating a bit, anger brushing away replaced with frustration.

"You never thought to talk to me? Tell me your worries? Share your feelings with me? You knew I was waiting, wanting you every single day." Yoongi closed most of the distance between your bodies again, you could feel the heat coming off him.

"What would I even say?"

"You know what you should have said, say it now baby." Yoongi's fingers were so careful when they brushed your cheek, timidly pushing your hair out of your face so he could look into your eyes.

"When I visited you at Namjoon's studio that day I talked to Jimin. He said his relationship could never work if he was worried about his girl being at home alone and missing him. That worried me a lot I've never been able to be happy on my own. I've always depended on Lia or my boyfriends to give my life direction. Then I met you and you just were so full of aspirations and living your life to all your amazing potential and I wanted that too." You choked up and stopped talking looking at the floor.

"Keep going, no matter what you say I'm going to listen." His voice was firm and he lifted your chin again.

"I wanted it so that you wouldn't leave me when you realized I couldn't function without you. I stepped out of my comfort zone and started adding all these things to my life, and it was working. I get up every day and I know there are things to look forward to that belong to only me. That I don't need Lia or you to do for me. I like being that girl, and it just feels like if I keep seeing you I'll leave her behind. And then you'll leave me behind because I'm insecure and making you miserable." Your body felt heavy, all these awful thoughts that had spun through your head for weeks were out.

Yoongi waited for a moment to be sure you were done talking and then he hugged you, tightly. Your head rested against his shoulder, his scent filling your nose and making you feel safe. You wanted to just close yourself off and stay that way.

"Baby, I'm not Jimin. I'm not dating his girlfriend, I'm dating you. You don't have to be her. You don't have to be me, I don't want to date myself anyway." Yoongi's palms smoothed down the back of your hair and rested at the base of your neck. His voice was a reassuring brush against the side of your head.

"He said that's how Namjoon and his girlfriend survive too, that's how you can be happy dating an idol." You frowned still worried about everything.

"Joon and Jiah are a terrible example of how relationships work, you can't judge things from the outside, sometimes they are just pretty facades. These last four weeks I've been happy. Not fake happy, not superficially, but actually happy. You quiet all the doubts in my head Y/N, you make me feel like I don't have to be alone in every crowded room. You're the person I want to be with, and I've not had that feeling in years. If you're feeling insecure I want you to tell me, because we will fix it, together." He kissed the top of your head and stepped out of the hug looking at you.

"And when you're touring? Making albums? When you're so busy we barely see each other?"

"We will make it work, we'll video chat daily, we'll have virtual dates, write letters, message constantly. You'll come with me sometimes if you can, I'll fly home for a couple days when you can't. If we communicate how we're feeling we will make it work. It will be frustrating but it will be worth it right?" Yoongi ran his hands down your arms to grasp your hands, squeezing your fingers in his own.

"Won't it be frustrating when I'm sad and whining about missing you?" Your voice held that sad whininess now, making you frown.

"No, because I'll know it's because you love me so much. What we can't do is this Y/N," he motioned his hand around the hallway. "We can't fight like this ever again, we can't destroy each other in this way. That is the real toxicity, the real threat to what we want for ourselves. If we are having these feelings we have to bring them up before they spiral into screaming matches and hurting each other. Stop making excuses to not be together when you know that's exactly what want."

You nodded, Yoongi was right, as bad as your insecurities may be, the way this had erupted was worse. You promised yourself you'd never bring him down to this point again.

"Kitten, do you have something to say?" His voice had dropped, impossibly deeper, soothing over all your raw feelings. You blinked, brain searching, you'd said so many things. What had you forgotten? When it clicked you smiled genuinely for the first time all day.

"Yoongi," you paused taking a breath, "I'm yours." The smile that played across his face was as radiant as your own. He swept you into his arms, and a laugh bubbled out past your lips.

"Now I'm taking my girlfriend to bed." He kissed you and when he got to his bedroom door you grabbed the handle pushing it open. At his bed he laid you on top of it gently crawling over your form taking your lips again fiercely. Your hands slid under the edge of his shirt, across the line of his stomach. You wanted to touch more of him, craved him after waiting so long for this moment.

"Wait, what are the rules?" You licked your bottom lip slowly looking up at him.