Ocean Blue [jjpope]

feels

Pope thought he knew what true terror felt like.
But he realized he was just discovering it in this very moment, as JJ's body had stopped gasping for air.
The rest of the night had happened like a blurry dream. Pope could only remember sounds, lights, his whole only concentrated on JJ, JJ's body, his heart, his closed eyes. He could remember Shoupe shaking him, slapping him gently, begging for him to focus. Kie's broken voice, like an echo, her hand gripping him.
But it was no dream, and when Pope woke up, he was sitting in an hospital room.
His mouth was dry as a desert, and he felt hungover, even though he had not drank at all.
Pope sat up, his back hurting horribly. But the pain went away as soon as his sight caught the bed in front of him.
JJ was lying there, silent, eyes closed. His mouth and nose were filled with strings and medical material. His leg was wrapped in a white bandage, as well as his head, and his eye was purple and puffy.
Pope felt the urge to scream, to jump on him, to wake him up. But he also was very aware of how hurt JJ was, and it broke his heart. So he just sat there, picking his sweatshirt, shaking his leg, hoping JJ would miraculously wake up in the next thirty seconds.
Pope couldn't help but look at JJ in details. At least the boy was sleeping and wouldn't notice, after all.
Despite the bruises and the connections, Pope still thought that JJ was one of the prettiest boys he had ever seen. And he had never seen him look so calm, so peaceful, his usually concerned eyes shut, his face relaxed, his blond hair pushed back on the pillow.
The very same blonde hair Pope kept seeing.
Suddenly the memories of the night before rushed back ; Topper, JJ's motionless body.
And what Pope had said.
"It's Pope. I love you."
In the heat of the moment, Pope had not thought in the slightest about what he was saying. It was just his heart, his fear. His love.
Hopefully JJ had not heard anything. Or maybe Pope kind of wished he did ?
He fell back on his chair with a grunt. Obviously, the two of them had a lot to talk about. He would not be able to push it back forever.
But the thing was that he had hidden the truth to JJ ever since the night on the cliff.
Because he remembered everything.
The morning after their night on the cliff, Pope had decided that it was better to play it dumb, to pretend alcohol had made him forget everything. But the truth was that ever since, the moment they had shared kept playing in his head, again and again, and Pope didn't know what to do with it. JJ loved girls, or at least Pope had always thought so. Maybe it was all just their fear, in the moment when Pope had almost fell, and their caring for each other had just showed in an odd way.
But then again, seeing the blonde boy in that bed right now, and remembering what he had said when he thought he was dying, Pope couldn't deny the evidence.
Fuck, he was in love with JJ Maybank, a boy, his best friend.
Pope got up and started to walk nervously around the room. He went to the window and opened it quickly, taking a deep breath of fresh air.
When his heart stopped racing, Pope turned around, lying against the windowsill. JJ was still sleeping, his chest gping up and down slowly, the only sound being the machines reproducing his heart beat.
Suddenly, the door opened, and a nurse came in, Kie right behind her. At the sight of their friend in the bed, she gasped, her eyes filling with tears. Pope knew the feeling.
"Oh my god," she whispered, kneeling beside the bed, her hand running on JJ's cheek. "What did they do to you ?"
The nurse nodded in Pope's direction, and he walked to her.
"How long until he wakes up ?
- It could still take a day or two," the nurse said with a sad smile. "His body has been through a lot. Just give him some time to heal a little bit, and he will be back."
Pope nodded, both understanding and frustrated at once. He just wanted JJ to open his mouth, to tell them that everything was fine, that he was okay.
"At least we're sure he'll wake up," the nurse continued, her gaze turning to JJ. "He is very brave. His injuries could have killed him. But he managed to hold on to life."
Pope didn't answer anything, lost in the contemplation of the blonde boy in the bed. The nurse patted his shoulder gently, and went to the bed to check on JJ. When she left, she turned to face them at the door.
"He is going to be fine. I'll come back in an hour or two."
Kie and Pope nodded. As she closed the door, Pope rushed to Kie, hugging her tight as she started crying.
"It's all my fault," she gasped between the tears. "If i hadn't been so stupid-
- Hey, hey, no. You were not stupid. You were trying to avenge our friends. There's nothing stupid about this."
Kie sniffed, hanging on Pope tighter.
"Besides," he continued, "you probably saved him. Without you, he wouldn't have been taken here so quickly."
Kiara nodded, letting go of the embrace, going back to brushing JJ's face. Pope wished he could do the same, but for some reason it scared him.
"What did you tell him last night ?"
Pope's heart skipped a beat. He looked at Kie with a frown.
"What do you mean ?
- When he was lying in your arms," Kie continued. "You kept telling him something. What was that ?"
Pope shaked his head nervously, laughing.
"I can't remember. Probably just to hold on, that it was fine."
That he loved him. No, this part would stay Pope's little secret.
Kie nodded, but Pope knew she didn't believe him. They were best friends, and obviously he could never lie in her face without her noticing. Pope actually believed she had heard everything, but that she was trying to get him say it.
Well, not today Kie. Pope had already decided to aknowledge his feelings for JJ, which was a huge and terrifying step. It was more than enough for the moment.
Kie's phone ringed, saving Pope from more questions.
"It's my parents. They want me to come home."
Pope nodded as she got up.
"The very moment he wakes up, call me. I'll try to come back as quick as possible.
- Sure will."
Kie smiled, visibly frustrated, and walked out the room. It was just Pope and JJ again.
Pope moved closer to his friend, where Kie was sitting just before. From this close, he could see every detail of JJ's features. His thin eyebrows, his blond eyelashes, the curve of his nose. Crazy how someone who had endured so much violence could look so fragile ; even with all the blood and bruises, JJ still looked as delicate as ever.
Pope raised his hand slowly, as if he feared he would scare JJ or wake him up, and softly, he grabbed the blonde boy's hand in his. JJ's hand was scratchy from the dry blood, but Pope couldn't have cared less. He whispered as he started to wrap his fingers around JJ's even tighter.
Why did it feel so good ?
JJ's eyelashes started to flutter, as his hand shaked slightly. Pope shot up, moving even closer to the bed.
"JJ ?"
The boy's heartbeat started to accelerate, making the machine beep quicker. Pope held his hand even tighter, and he felt like JJ was doing so too. Pope pressed the button upon the bed to call a nurse.
"JJ, are you waking up ?"
JJ's breathe got jerky in the pipe linked to his throat. Pope started to panick. Was he choking ?
Pope pressed the button again, multiple times.
"Nurse, please !"
Finally, the nurse that had visited a moment ago came back in the room.
"He is waking up."
Pope moved back to give her space, without ever taking his eyes off JJ. The nurse unplugged the respiratory support device, the beeping of JJ's heartbeat stopping brutally. Gently, she took off the canula and the conduit in his throat, as JJ coughed and gasped for air.
"Yeah, i know that's not the best feeling," she whispered.
"Is he going to wake up soon now ?" Pope asked.
The nurse smiled.
"He is already waking up."