The life of a Secret "Ultimate Fan-Girl"

The situation- Why I'm not meant to have my phone

(TW: Mental health mentions.)

Ok so I don't even know if anyone wanted this but I'm going to explain it anyway- I kind of posted on my conversations about it. 

So I haven't really explained why I'm in hospital or what type of hospital I'm in but I'll tell you guys. 

Basically, I'm both physically and mentally ill, since I was about 13 I have been in and out of hospital constantly, but I had my first long-term admission when I was 15. 

Physical health wise, I have a life-threatening heart defect that I was born with (Honestly it's so rare I can't even remember the name of it) but it basically means I have too many veins at one side of my heart that sends the other half crazy. I was diagnosed when I was 15, as I was always the type of kid who hid stuff like that and I thought it was completely normal to pass out at random for short periods and feel like your heart was going to pound out of your chest- I didn't want surgery straight away because it scared me but at sixteen I finally decided to have some surgery on it, but covid hit and we had to wait wait wait- and now I finally have an appointment for it and it's on monday!

I also have something called NES which is seizures caused by external factors, for example cold temperatures, extreme stress and sometimes alcohol (But my seventeen year old ass doesnt want to believe the last one.) Even though the seizures aren't quite as random as epilepsy, they feel like they are- because you never know when it's going to start raining or when someone's going to cause you extreme stress. 

I also have an underactive thyroid- this was a recent diagnosis, I've being getting tested for it since I was about ten because it's hereditary but my blood results only recently came back saying I had developed it. 

I also have some un-diagnosed symptoms. For example, I have an unexplained dangerously low metabolism or something- I don't know but I'm constantly losing weight and struggle to maintain a healthy weight. To even maintain my weight, I have to eat until I physically can't every day but in hospital the food is awful and I really struggle to do this. I'm eating what most would call a healthy amount, and yet I've lost one and a half stone since being here (2 months) and I'm now lighter than what I was when I was eleven, but I'm now seventeen and this isn't healthy.

Mental health wise, I'd rather not go into detail. But I'm very much ok with sharing the fact I have autism and ADHD which causes me to have Tics (Like tourettes, but not caused by tourettes syndrome- as far as we know.) I've also been very suicidal in the past and made countless attempts on my life. That's the main reason I'm in hospital, a mental health hospital.

Anyway, all this was kind of important to the story. Since I'm still under eighteen, I'm in an adolescent ward- which means teenage drama, yay! There are four adolescent wards here and we kind of all mix in education and activities. The ward I'm on is known as a PICU and is a more secure ward, there's a GAU ward here which is basically just your "Generic" mental health hospital, and there are so many toxic people on there! Like there's a couple on this ward- but it doesn't even compare. To explain it, being in a mental health adolescent ward is like being trapped in high-school constantly. 

One other thing to know is everyone, and I mean pretty much everyone (especially on the general unit) records TikToks, we're not meant to- but we do because we're bored as hell. I'm included in this- my tiktoks consist of me rollerskating in my room, doing stupid dances and rollerskating. There's this person on the GAU, we'll call them Whatsit (like the crisp bc Idek I can't think of anything but food), who's tiktok contains VERY triggering content, of them literally talking about their face turning purple and the nurses rushing in, in a JOKEY way. They found my account and followed me and last month they made a lie up saying me and a girl on my ward recorded a tiktok together, which we didn't- but I ended up showing staff my tiktok and they saw I had videos of myself up but not with the girl on my ward, and it was kind of an "Ok don't do it again" situation. Everything was gucci but I was pissed off at this person, especially since after they started bullying me in education and even saying the fact I'd published a book was stupid and nobody cares. I don't know why they made the lie up because before we'd barely spoken. I just wanted to get peace between us again, but when I asked if I could talk to them they just started laughing about me in front of everyone from their ward.  I got really upset and told staff about their triggering tiktok but told them not to take it further or tell their ward. Eventually, I asked if we could just put it behind us and they said yes and everything seemed fine, but like their true colours came out- this person literally just talked about their incidents. Telling us they tried to hang themselves with loo roll and that it works if you wet it because it sticks and hardens then, like what no you can't- THAT'S WHY WE USE IT IN THE LOO BECAUSE IT DISOLVES IN WATER! Like congrats hun, you made a soggy necklace. But if that actually was something you could do they literally just gave ideas to everyone on the ward, like wtf, mate? Also found out Whatsit smuggled razor blades in and then HANDED THEM OUT TO PEOPLE! LIKE WTF?

Anyway, I never said anything about it to them because I didn't want drama. Fast forward to yesterday. Whatsit apparently got their phone taken off them (probably bc of the triggering tiktoks) but they're friends with this guy that we'll call uhmmm.. Cheeto (Still on the bloody crisps, aha.) I thought Cheeto was a generally nice person, but my guess is Whatsit is making him toxic. These two had gone on my account, found a video from when I first came onto the ward that was set to friends only, but bc I followed Cheeto back, they could see it. And my guess is that they wanted to try and get my phone taken off me bc Whatsit had their phone taken. Welp, they almost achieved that one ffs. 

This video was me during the warm weather when I was wearing a crop top and shorts- Normal bloody clothes to wear during the summer. They also found where I'd put in the video caption that I was 19 (literally from ages ago, way before I even came into the ward) just so that tiktok didn't remove videos of me vaping. And told the staff that I had "SEMI NAKED" videos on tiktok and was claiming to be 19... Those two things together don't look well together but THEY WERE COMPLETELY OUT OF CONTEXT, ESPECIALLY SINCE THE VIDEO WAS SET TO FRIENDS ONLY! So the nurse went through my phone with me, agreed that they weren't semi naked videos but that since I'd recorded tiktoks, I'd breached the phone contract and it was apparently still safe guarding because I was wearing little clothes online, BUT HUNTY IT WAS A CROP TOP AND SHORTS DURING THE SUMMER AND THE VIDEO WAS SET TO FRIENDS ONLY! Anyway, she said she would have to take my phone so I snatched it off her and went, "Nope." Then ran to my charger and shoved both that and my phone down my bra and then went to get my ipad from the other member of staff and the nurse was like, "Woah you can't approach staff like that!" Like I was violent, but I've literally never even been in a fight- not even a normal teenage fight. Heck, if I did I'd go into bloody cardiac arrest. 

They told me that since we're not allowed our phones on leave, I would have to hand it in before my leave anyway (no one is allowed their phone on leave- except home leave) which was really stressing me out, because it was unescorted leave with my family and you're meant to build leave up before you can get discharged, but I decided that keeping my phone and continuing with my work, wattpad uploads and overall just having something to distract myself with was better than having 3 hours out. Plus, there's only so long they could refuse my leave simply because I had my phone before they'd have hospital inspectors and Lawyers harassing them- so I knew I was choosing the right thing. 

Anyway, fast forward to today and I had so many staff members come and kindly try to blackmail into giving my phone in. But my stubborness doesn't fall for that sort of thing. It was still stressing me out though, I was looking forward to the leave. BUT my parents said they'd move it to next sunday instead so I didn't have to literally choose between seeing them for three hours and having my phone so I could talk to them when I wanted as well as do my work. 

On Monday, before my heart surgery, it's getting reviewed if I can have my ipad back and be allowed my phone, therefore meaning I'm allowed leave bc if I hand it in for leave then I'll get it back. I have wrote a letter persuading them with my amazing writing skills, hahah. And there really is no reason for them to say no. I also still get leave for my hospital appointment in another hospital because they can't exactly cancel that. My worry is that if they don't allow my phone on Monday then the staff escorting me to my surgery will take it when I'm asleep. But I have some plans/ways around it.

1. Is just to leave it in the room if they're putting me to sleep in the operating theatre which they likely will be doing because the staff have to sit outside the operating theatre whilst I'm in there. 

2. Is that if I'm on a bay with another teenager, I'll make friends with them and then I'll ask them or their family to look after it for me and explain I'm just worried someone will take it and I don't want to take it down near the operating theatre in case it's busy or something and that my staff can't look after it because it's not in their contract or some shit.

3. Is to ask a nurse to put it in a locker for me. 

4. Is to take it into the operating theatre and then inform the doctors that I forgot I had it on me and just ask them to put it on the side. 

5. Is the same as one but I'll hide it when they're not looking so that if they come up to the room anyway, they won't find it. 

Let me know if you have any other ideas or if you think any of the ideas are best way. Also yes, I will get on with danganronpa flowerfield now!