Fanculo alla Polizia

leave me alone I'm not emo

TW: SUICIDE (kinda??)

I was chilling on the couch- well, 'chilling' as I didn't really know how one could really chill with fucking alcohol in their leg, but so be it. I was more, like, distracting myself from the pain that I mainly caused myself as soon as I decided to put my leg to test. Who the fuck told me that jumping out of a moving car and running a kilometer with fresh stitches was a good idea? That's what Abbacchio said when he saw me bleeding like a water fountain as soon as I entered the mansion. Because he was the only one who didn't actually get into a car crash because of me and also with enough brain to heal a wound, he basically HAD to tend to mine. And, surprisingly enough, he actually did. Although he was cussing me out the whole time for wasting his time and ruining his day.

"I can't even believe you at this point." he said a little too aggressive for my liking.

"They were in danger." I said, avoiding his gaze.

"So were you. They were the ones who had to protect you, not the other way around." he scolded me, looking at my face. "Why the fuck are you crying? Is this about Mista?"

"No." I wiped my tears away. "Abbacchio, it burns like a bitch." I whined as I removed his hand from my thigh, escaping from the alcohol.

"...What even are you doing in the mafia? You have no pain tolerance. Did you pay Bucciarati or something?"

"I stabbed someone with scissors." I confessed and he just looked at me, trying to figure out if I was telling the truth or not.

"Okay. I bullied Fugo into pulling some strings and letting me in. Then Bucciarati came out of nowhere and kidnapped me from what was left of my home."

He still remembered those days as if they had just passed. The way the blonde boy visited him in prison and talked down to him, as if he wasn't just a punk. A smart punk, that is. He walked in there as if he owned the damn place, wasting no time in asking him questions about his corruption, and what exactly he did to earn the title of 'failure'. They were both scumbags, he had saw it as soon as he looked into the boy's eyes. But what made such a shallow kid look so serious? He was as much of a failure as Abbacchio was, yet he had so much more confidence. Was he not aware of the world his men were slowly destroying? Selling drugs, selling weapons, even people; especially women. It was them that got him in prison in the first place. Them and his poor decisions. If only he hadn't taken that bribe from the filthy gangster. He should've gotten him locked up for everything he had ever done in his lifetime. But money always got the best of him.

When Fugo told him about the syndicate, speaking of how his life was going well after he sworn loyalty to it, Abbacchio spent no time offering him a deal.

"I know you're like me. I know you're a failure. I can see the rot in your eyes. So where did you get this confidence?" he asked the boy after treating him with silence for way too long.

The boy was confused, not understanding how did he get to that point when he was there just to figure out if the drugs really came from Passione. "I feel like I should be insulted..."

"Tell me why and I'll tell you what I know."

"Tell you what, exactly?"

"Your reason for living. Tell me what it is that keeps you going."

"I've merely sworn loyalty to my syndicate."

"Then tell me how to do the same."

"We both knew that there is no thing such as a peaceful life in prison for an ex-cop. They were going to all hate me there. If I didn't kill myself in there first, then they would've stabbed me to death for sure." he spoke back to me as I was paying close attention to his story. "He also told me that I would never get promoted once I joined Passione. There truly is no place for an ex-cop in society. Your once friends end up hating you, and the people you end up working for never really trust you. I was told that I would be someone's henchman my whole life." he talked as he kept working on my wound. "I thought it really wasn't worth it, but it was my only choice. It was I either joined the organization or died in prison... Or killed myself." he tied my bandage and let go of my leg. "What I'm trying to say is that I had no choice but to join Passione. I had no future or knowledge to do something greater with my life. You did."