CHAPTER EIGHTEEN 🐾

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Collins Harbour Apartment Complex, Bristol

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Collins Harbour Apartment Complex, Bristol.

2017.

DANTE

I feel in a permanent state of emotional distress. There isn't a day just recently where I feel calm. Ellie is sleeping when I get home from university, so I grab a quick shower and try to think of what we can eat for dinner.

There's all the ingredients to her favourite in the fridge, so I set on cooking a pasta carbonara. It reminds me of our time spent visiting my family in Rome just before falling pregnant.

The restaurant would serve the pasta on a huge plate and sprinkle it with chopped parsley and Parmesan cheese. I cook the pasta with a bite and fry the bits of bacon off before whisking the egg to add to the mix, stirring continuously so the heat cooks it through without the lumps.

I'm too busy cooking to notice her step through the kitchen door, so when I turn to grab the sprigs of parsley, she makes me jump. There's a severe tiredness in her eyes. It's quietly haunting.

"Hello, sleepyhead," I say, but she avoids me and sticks her head inside of the fridge to search for something.

There's been so much silence in the house just recently, which is better than the screaming matches. Those turn me inside out and stab at my soul.

"I'm making carbonara," I say to which she looks over here. Man, she's so frail. "Why don't you go sit down while I plate up?"

After I can no longer watch her limp body shake, I go grab her cardigan from the back of the door, hurting when she pulls away once I reach her, staring up at me with such uncertainty it almost sends me to my knees.

"I'm okay," she snaps, hurrying towards the two-seater dining table, wobbling slightly on her feet. "Just tired."

I'm tired too. If I can just get through today and tomorrow it'll be the weekend. There will be less stress and hopefully we can manage to do something fun together as a couple.

I take two plates over to the table and we sit to eat in silence. Ellie picks at her food, swirling the spaghetti around and around her plate. I ask her if she likes it and she says she does, reminding me of the time we ate it on my aunts veranda overlooking the incredible views of the Italian sky at evening time.

"The good old times," I say and she nods, pushing her plate away to rest her forehead on the table. "Ellie?"

"I'm exhausted."

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