If you love me let me go (an Outsiders fanfic)

Chapter: 4

Heaven's ***POV***

Why am I so nervous? My hands are shaking for God's sake. I walked in silently, the same smell, environment and everything else came back to my memory like a slap in the face. It was awfully quiet, just contents of drugs, booze and empty bottles scattered everywhere.

I heard mumbling come from the kitchen. I peeked in to find my mother violently scrubbing dishes, I cringed and took a few steps in. With my first step the floor creaked, she quickly turned around; fire in her eyes.

Right then and there I made a vow to never end up like her. She started to scream unclear profanities and other stuff at me, I stood there; unsure what to do, then all at once a plate hit me in the face, hitting my chin and bottom lip.

"You little shit! I should've listened to my parents and aborted you! I hate you! Go to hell you spawn of satan!" I stared at her blankly; no matter how much she yelled at me I heard the same threat over and over again, so eventually I just became use and unemotional to it.

As she continued to throw things I walked from the kitchen and pounded up the stairs, I looked at my room door that was surprisingly still on its hinges; unlike normal kids I didn't have a doorknob, I simply just had a door that was half broken, it didn't even shut right, it reminded me of restaurant doors; you just push them from both ways and they open.

I walked into my room and just found my usual stuff; just an empty mattress, empty closet, empty drawers, and my shabby window with no curtains; I could come and go as I please without going downstairs to get beat, I just had to pop off the screen.

I flung my black backpack from my shoulders and dropped my skateboard. I laid down on my mattress with broken springs and shut my eyes, my mother usually didn't come upstairs. Only my dad who would beat me whenever he got the living chance. I was thankful only mom was home instead of both of them. I slowly drifted off to sleep.

--

I woke up sore, dammit. How long have I been sleeping? I hate sleeping... I looked out my window to find the sun setting, a sharp pain went to my eye. I looked at the small broken mirror in my closet to find that I had a black eye, luckily it wasn't swollen but just puffy.

I grabbed my board and bag and stepped out onto the roof. 'I wonder if I jumped I could kill myself.' A thought popped into my head. Nah, It'd only be enough to break my ankle. I went onto the porch roof then jumped off, I walked onto the road to find my longtime friend, Kat... Throwing rocks at a window? I jogged up to her. "Whatcha doin' dipshit?" I asked, frowning. "Ahhh! My friend Heaven! Yer out! I'm trying to break this window." I rolled my eyes. "If we're gonna break it, we're gonna break it the right way." I told her.

--

Ponyboy's ***POV***

"Darry can I please go?" I begged as I followed him into the kitchen, after work Soda and Steve were going to a party and I really wanted to go. "I told you no." He said emotionlessly, tired of arguing with him I stormed outside to find the rest of the gang on the porch. "I knew I shouldn't've sold her that gasoline!" Soda exclaimed, motioning towards Heaven and her friend pouring gasoline on some kind of hard soccer ball. Dally and Two-Bit started laughing and Soda and Steve walked over to confiscate her gas.

I sat next to Johnny, admiring his black eye. "Staying the night Johnnycakes?" I asked, he did his signature shrug. "Shit! She's actually doin' it!" Dally started running over the scene. "I'm meeting Lexy at the lot." He told me.

Heaven's ***POV***

I saw some of the gang running over as my 'friend' split. Figures. I placed the cherry can down and grabbed a match, lit it then quickly then kicked it as hard as I could. The window shattered into a million pieces, right at that moment Dally threw me over his shoulder and carried me to the Curtis house. "The Hell's wrong with you? Wanna start a neighbourhood fire, huh?" Jeez, I've never seen Dally such a stick in the mud before.

I got thrown on the couch to find Darry already scurrying to get the first-aid kit, then I noticed that Johnny was sitting next to me; big nervous eyes staring at my black eye and cut cheek. "Didn't take your folks that long, huh. Heaven?" Darry practically whispered entering the living room. "It never does." I said back as he started putting cleaning stuff on my wounds.

Yeah, for sure it burned and stung, but the pain was numbed, I was numb to any kind of pain or love it seemed like.

By the end of the day my face was recognizable, after my mom beat me and I got into a few fights my face is exactly the same it was a year ago.

Darry looked at me confused. "You used to squeal like a stuck pig when I out this stuff on ya." Darry stated, I didn't say anything, I didn't want to look at him, see the sadness in his eyes. I didn't need his pity; Darry knew that he reminded me of my oldman. And he hates it.

I continued to look down trying to control all of my anger. But it was getting unbearable, I knew he could see it in my eyes then all at once he gently leaned and sorta half wrapped his arms around me. What is he doing? Why is he touching me? Is this something normal people do? - then he went into the kitchen silently. Really, what was he doing? I sprang up, totally ignoring the fact that I didn't acknowledge Johnny.

I left the house blocking out the voices of Two-Bit, Pony, Soda, and Steve. "Where'ya goin'?!" Steve hollered. "Yeah, c'mon back, Hev." I heard Soda's voice and other murmuring from the gang. "Anywhere but here." I answered Steve's first question then ran down the street.

Lexy's ***POV***

I wait at this junk site for Johnny, Jesus, why is he always late? A few minutes later his small figure wandered towards me, he smiled gently at me but I avoided it. "Oh, I'm s-sorry.." He said finally realizing his mistake. "H-How.. How long have'ya been waiting?" He asked, his mood drastically changing. "Long enough." I huffed as he sat beside me.

I had a reputation for going for 'bad boys' of course. Which is how I got with Johnny; just to prove I wasn't as easy as people thought.

I've been with him for like 2 months, and we never even kissed yet. I tried being patient with him and maybe we'd get to third base but no. I'm done; I just don't know how to break the news to him.

"I-I love you." He squeaked for the first time, I finally looked up at him; no emotions in his eyes, I looked back down.

"D-Do you love me?" His voice was heart breaking, I felt really bad since he comes from a broken home.. And I can't hold onto this relationship. Wait... I don't really care.

I looked up again, his eyes became shiny with tears, I knew it took a lot for a hood like him to cry.

"I... I'm so sorry Johnny." Was all I said and walked away, I felt as if a weight got lifted off my shoulders. I walked back to Al's feeling satisfied.

Then it dawned on me; he knew Heaven, and in the right mind she was gonna kick my ass. Heaven was tougher, stronger, and ruthless, I couldn't take her if my life depended on me, I barely fight!