If you love me let me go (an Outsiders fanfic)

Chapter: 8

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Ponyboy's ***POV***

Two weeks had passed and everything grew back to normal. We had are court day; of course I'm still living with Darry and Soda, and like Johnny said, "it was just self defence." And he was right. So yeah, everything's normal-

Except one thing isn't back to normal. The gang and I haven't seen Heaven since the incident, but Heaven has been known for disappearing then returning unharmed, it scared everyone but it didn't seem to faze her, no one knows where she goes, I wish she'd take me along.

I've been thinking about this ever since! I kissed her! I kissed my best girlfriend. Why am I so stupid? I'm making it so awkward for myself. But I was caught in the moment and her lips were tempting. I found it so romantic; kissing a girl before you do something life risking. And damn, she was my first kiss. I hope she doesn't hate me.

Ol'Two-Bit even had the guts to knock on Hev's door; I told him not to because it'd turn out bad for her when she does go home. But he said "Don't worry about, kid." And that was that, he knocked on the door and Heaven's father threw a beer bottle at him, yelling profanities as Two-Bit ran from the yard. To be honest he looked a little pale when he got back to my house.

Heaven's father scared me a lot, he was so real and tough. Heaven doesn't talk about her folks at all but from what I saw he's bigger then Darry muscle wise and has cold icy eyes that were merciless, jaded and filled with hatred, she has his eyes; but hers are more confident, rebellious and I wanna say innocent... But that is the last word you'd use to describe Heaven Dawson, they hold hundreds of emotions at once, I really love her eyes. Blue like her fathers but with a tad of green from her mother.

No wonder Hev doesn't look anyone in the eye. Whenever I talk to her or she talks to anyone in fact her eyes are wandering or staring at the ground. It bothers me; it makes me remind myself to hug her more. Shoot, she ain't know what affection it at all. She hates them so much. Maybe that kiss I gave her was good for her. I wonder if she liked it?-

Just as I got out of my cold shower, breaking myself from my thoughts I heard a echoed knock on the screen door just before it banged open then shut.

It was hot. When I mean hot, I mean, really, really hot. Not even hosing off or standing in a cold shower helped me. Two-Bit broke the fan by pressing all the buttons at once and Darry said he'd pick one up for me last night since I don't have school today; its a inservice. But he forgot. I swear he does it on purpose sometimes. Him or Soda aren't home all day and when they do get home it's cooled off quite a bit.

"Ponyboy, You here?" It was Johnny... I've been getting notice Johnny's personality drastically changing; he wasn't scared of his own shadow anymore. He got over the trauma from the socs beating him and Johnny went back to his old self, he was cocky. Just a damn cocky kid. A smart ass, cocky kid that gets beaten by his parents and nothing else. I missed that Johnny Cade. And I finally have him back. He doesn't stumble over his words anymore or sound shaken all the time. Everyone noticed. If his parents beat him, it didn't affect him like it used to, became used to it again. But nothing less; Johnny Cade was still the shy, small kid we know.-

"Yeah! I'll be right out!" I hollered peeking my head out from the bathroom, I tugged on my worn out jeans with the hole in the knee and grabbed the T-Shirt I'd cut the arm off of, showing my biceps. I hope- I hoped I looked tuff and maybe get a few girls to look my way.

But when I walked into the living room Johnny snickered and didn't do a good job of hiding it. "You ain't got no muscles, man." He stated jokingly- "You hopin' to impress somebodyy?" He stretched out his words, I sighed. "Maybe some gal named Heaven Dawson?" He raised both of his eyebrows cheekily.

"Shut up, Johnny Cade." I chuckled and rolled my eyes at him, "Shoot, you ain't one to talk." I continued. "Yeah," He shrugged and grinned mischievously, lighting a smoke as we walked out in the front yard. "Maybe. But so what, I ain't showin' 'em off like you... Besides I can still beat ya at armwrestling." "Big deal..." I muttered while lighting my own smoke. "Rematch?" I challenged him, he smirked. "Only when Hev's around..." He told me, I decided not to ask him about it, why is he so obsessed with her now? He practically told her to "fuck off".

"She hasn't come around since yer two's fight..." I told him softly, at this he looked down; guilt and disappointment covering his face. "But don't worry, man. She ain't the one to hold a grudge." I reassured him.

"Ya'know I saw ya kissin' her before you ran in..." He then trailed off, with somehow a hint of cheekiness. I blushed. I can't believe he saw. "Sorry man." I muttered, he shrugged. "Fair game, fair game." He hummed putting his hands up in defence. "Were her lips soft?" He asked while nudging me, I felt my cheeks heat up. I know I shouldn't be talking about her this way,

"Yeah, way soft, man. Tasted like mint, bubblegum, and cigarette... Only 'cause she had a smoke before I kissed 'er." I explained, I felt like we were two little school girls gossiping about cute boys. "Mint and bubblegum..." He mumbled to his self.

"Johnny?... You feelin' ok?" I asked more in a serious tone, "Yeah... Why?" "If you like Heaven? Ya'know you can tell me, right?" I told him, trying to make eye contact. "S-She's cute, Pony." He said going all quiet and shy as he blushed. "Be yerself man, if she ain't like you for you then that's her problem." I said, he looked down. Hell, someone has to tell him. "And besides I've heard she's into shy guys..." I winked at him making his grin come back.

"Whaddya wanna do today?" "I dunno," I answered, "It's damned hot already." "Ain't that the truth," he agreed, "Let's go to the lot, there should be some shade there." "Ok," I said as we both walked. Johnny had such a wild look in his eye, as he took drags from his smoke; his hair stuck up in all directions, Johnny usually wasn't like that, he kept his hair neat. What's going on with him?

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Heaven's ***POV***

It's been exactly three weeks, and it's about 1am. I'm standing in front of my house. Scared to go in, my dads truck isn't in the driveway but I'm still scared, that's right scared. I finally grew a pair and walked in. It was quiet, utterly quiet.

I slowly shut the door behind me and looks around the corner, and there sat my mellow mother; staring at the turned off TV chuckling slightly. "Baby! My sweet.... Child! I've been lookin' for ya!" She exclaimed in a tone that didn't sound familiar... Is she testing me? My hands started to shake as I pressed my back against the wall... She's.... She's being nice to me? I adverted my gaze to the coffee table it looked like a grave site for pill bottles and booze. Then I saw it... The syringes.

She's on heroin again.

"Quit standin' there and give yer old mama a hug." I looked into her eyes quickly; they weren't filled with ignorance like they always are, she seemed to be at peace.

I dropped to my knees.

I want her to love me. She doesn't love me! It's the drug! She wants to love me but she can't! And it's killing me! I swear to God she use to love me! I remember it when I was younger! She picked me up as a child and told me I was her pride and joy!

Unwanted tears ran down my cheeks, shocked I quickly wiped them away, but the tears wouldn't stop. I broke out into sobs. In front of my dazed and confused mother.

"B-Bastard!" Was all I could cry in complete defeat. I hated her. I hate him. I hated all of my blood.

Why doesn't anyone love me?

Am I that messed up? Then suddenly she was beside me, her warm figure knelt down and gathered me into her arms, hugging me tightly. By now I was shaking; I didn't know what to do. She has never touched me before unless she was hitting me with a spoon, broom, or throwing shoes and plates at me. Her touch felt so nice, I couldn't resist. "Oh, honey... Don't cry sweetie... You're far too beautiful to cry." She whispered then started to hum a lullaby, the same one she did when I was a kid.

Then that familiar truck roared down the road and into the driveway, but before I could react the door was already slamming shut. Then everything happened at once;