Just Therapy (GxG)

Chapter 3

The week rolled slowly and I was caught in my business. I didn't think too much about what happened at the club until Thursday came around and I had to see Elisa again. I was worried that things would be awkward. We were way too close dancing like that in the club.

I greeted the receptionist and headed to her office. I knocked softly, waiting for the invitation.

"Come in." I pushed the door open and stepped in, smiling at the therapist.

"Hey, how are you?" I asked, plopping on one of the armchairs. The walls were finally decorated, giving a more personal vibe to the office.

"I'm good, how are you?" I shrugged. "Everything's how it's always been. Shit." I sniffed and rubbed my nose. Natalia's eyebrow raised at that.

"You want to elaborate on that?" She crossed her legs.

"I mean that, I go out with my friends, get drunk and have fun. Then when I get home, I'm stuck with my thoughts. I'm cutting back on drinking so I have to go through this sober. I work too, and that helps but I'll eventually end up alone. And it sucks. It's shit." I huffed at the end of the sentence.

"What about you? Why did you move to LA?" I asked. Elisa smiled and shook her head.

"We're not here to talk about me. Tell me, what thoughts do you have when you're alone?" She pushed. I rolled my eyes at my failed attempt to change the conversation.

"The usual. You know, 'what if I wasn't good enough? Why wasn't I good enough?' I spend hours thinking back to arguments wondering what I could have done differently. Maybe if I wasn't so pushy. Did I scare her off when I said I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her? Or maybe, she was just a whore that took advantage of me and I let her. I don't know which one hurts worse." I clenched my jaw when I finished, refusing to cry over her again.

"Your worth isn't based on how people treat you. Your worth isn't given to you either. You decide whether you're good enough. And you did everything you can to make the relationship work. And she chose to cheat. That means she decided she wasn't good enough to stay committed." I took in her words. They wormed their way inside my mind and stayed there.

I nodded playing with my fingers. A strand of hair fell wiggled loose and rested on my eyelash. I ran my hand through my hair and licked my lips. Natalia's eyes flicked down and back up again. My heart pounded in my chest. Do I have a crush on her? This session couldn't go by any faster.

I entered the gym with a frown. Today was cardio. I absolutely hated cardio. The feeling of suffocating just wasn't appealing. I don't understand how Alyssa did it almost daily. As I got warmed up on the treadmill, I noticed Lani cleaning one of the equipments. When she finished, she looked up and we locked eyes for a few seconds. I looked away and started my run.

30 minutes later, I pressed pause on the machine, breathing heavily. Fuck, I thought. I wiped off the machine and went to stair-master, where Lani was behind the counter. I stepped up and began the workout. During the entire time, I felt eyes on me. My hair stuck to my neck and forehead as I walked to the locker rooms. I peeled my shirt off my skin, cringing at the soaked material. Just I was putting on my other shirt, Lani walked into the bathroom with a broom and mop in her hands. I nodded in her direction.

"Hey Lani." Her eyes looked me up and down before she responded.

"Hi, I didn't get you name last time." Biting her lips, she looked everywhere but me.

I chuckled, "It's Jessie. I'm sorry I forgot to introduce myself." I scratched my eyebrow.

"Sweet, I'm gonna put these over there." Lani pointed in the back. I shrugged, "Sure." Changing my shorts, I got my stuff ready to leave.