I Hated You

seven | river |

I looked disbelief at Noah. It has been such a long time, Noah was Elias's best friend. We grew up together, I always had a feeling he had a crush on me. But after seeing him with many girls it wasn't what I thought. I did have a childhood crush on him.

He was the 'boy next door' the cute one with his bike, blonde hair styled and his green eyes? Of course I had a crush. But it wasn't like yeah I fucking love you and I want to marry you and grow old together. I never wanted that at that age. Don't get me wrong, I always loved love, maybe it was the books I was reading.

I know what love is. I feel it for my brother, I felt it for my dad. Oliver. But truly love? No. I did not I didn't feel like I was swept off of my feet, I didn't feel like I was the only girl in their life. Everyone deserves to be loved, that's why I never was taught about how to feel love.

Noah was looking different. He still has his blonde hair and his green eyes. But his bags were blue, his tan is gone and now he is pale. He looks skinnier a lot more skinnier. But he is still Noah. Luke stood up and gave him a bro hug. Still think those hugs are stupid, they literally slap each other on the back.

Noah then turned to me. "How are you doing coq?" Translation: rooster. He still called me how he used to call me. "How is Elias?" I was pressed against his chest, I heard his heartbeat. "C'est très flou depuis mon retour de France.  Et l'amie de ma mère lui a dit quelque chose d'étrange.  Il a changé Noah. Tu dois m'aider." I told him in French. Luke doesn't need to know about my family.

Translation: It's been very vague since my return from France. And my mother's boyfriend said something strange to him. He changed Noah. You have to help me.

"Wait you speak French freckles?" Luke asked me. I kinda ignored him like how he ignores me. "Putain Elias pourquoi tu fais ça? " He asked  me, he walked towards the kitchen counter and leaned against it. He closed his eyes and started thinking. Just when his lips moved Fabian came out of his room. He looked at Noah, his eyes widening. "Your back!" He yelled like he was mad. "It wasn't even a bloody day." His British accent was harder than usual.

Translation: fuck Elias why are you doing this?

He grabbed his phone from the kitchen counter, he started dialing a number. But first he looked at Luke, and then nodded towards me. Luke looked around the room. His eyes spotted something in the living room and walked towards it. After a couple of seconds he came back with headphones. "Again?" I asked Fabian. "You don't need to know about my phone call. Monet just be a good girl and put on those headphones." I sighed out off annoyance.

I yanked them out of Luke's hands. I took my phone out of my back pocket.

There lips were moving, I was just hearing artic monkeys. I hate that I don't know much about Noah. I know it isn't fair that I'm thinking about myself right now, but I was always good with him. He literally started learning French when I left so we could still talk. He didn't care that French is a hard language.

My dad always spoke French so I grew up speaking the language. Elias didn't know any French, it was just me and dad. I think he did feel left out, but I do get why. When he and mom were doing there little things I would feel jealous too. But then dad would cheer me up and I was fine.

Fabian was done with his call, I took off the headphones. "It was great to see you Flock." I said to Noah while walking backwards towards Fabian's room. I hated to leave him and didn't talk to him, but I had too. Otherwise I would've never left, and to think about it Noah was never my best friend but Elias's bestfriend. They were always together.

I never had friends growing up, I was never bullied or something. Like now I did not like people. I was happy though. I think I was never sad, but I had to be happy. If I wasn't mom was gonna be angry. She hated that people would talk about the Monet family. She didn't want me to embarrass her.

And when I did everything went down hill. I think that's the time when they started spitting up. It wasn't about the kid thing. Well mostly it was, but it was also about me. And dad never knew that i knew. I still think nobody knew, and I would love to keep it that why. I learned the hard way to never trust people.

After Oliver never trusted guys.
After mom never trusted her again.
After dad never trusted France again.
After Elias pushing me away, i think I stopped trusting him for a bit.

Trust is a big thing, and if someone wants my trust they have to earn it. You will get it, but not if I see something wrong about them.

Fabian looked at me. "I'm done with the work you have me. The essay is about basketball and how much you love it. Don't really care if it's true or not. Next bet is mine. Your always gonna remember my name Rossi. Start learning it." I gave Luke the headset. "Bye grey." I walked towards the door and left them alone in their little apartment.

I started breathing again, I don't know why but Fabian always makes me feel like I'm having a panic attack. I did not like him, couldn't stand his ego. But every single time he looks at me I'm swept off my feet, when he looks at me I felt like he looked at me like I was a girl who deserves a guy like him.

But did I like him? No.
Did I want him? Yes.
Why? Ask me again when he broke my trust.

- - -

hi u guys!! so this chap is mostly for plot, and you find out a bit about river. i started writing again so that's great. and I do have motivation to actually write this book.

i hope y'all enjoyed your day/night. drink something something and eat good bc food is love.

love, ru.