For Us

30. What happens in the Deer.

{Kurt}

Kurt was practically holding his breath, barely aware of the warm red walls and country kitsch of the restaurant. "So? Yes? There's a kissing story?" he prompted.

Jon laughed at his expression, his mouth twisting a little. "Ugh, Visser. I hate this story. I never tell it. My parents still don't know."

Kurt ran his hands through his hair, almost vibrating with anticipation. "Do you want me to promise not to tell them? The suspense is killing me here."

Jon rubbed his face. "Someone from another school found me on social media. Through the Pride club page. A guy my age. And we chatted back and forth online a bit and I thought...he was nice."

Jon's shoulders bowed a little as he exhaled. "I was just so lonely, and it felt good to talk to another person who understood. And I guess I thought...I'd found someone to take to prom. Like Cary and Kadee would go together and I would go with this cute guy. A double date. It was what everyone at school expected me to do and Kadee and her squad were all making plans for a stupid rainbow theme or something."

Jon shot Kurt a look, his face pink. "Did I mention how much I hated the attention that came with being the gay guy? Hated it. Never mind someone like Rasheed, who's an actual minority working his ass off to learn a third language and pass all his exams at the same time. No one's planning prom around him."

Kurt grinned, recognizing the sound of Jon White losing his temper about an injustice. "You're getting sidetracked, White. I'm here for the kissing parts."

Jon closed his eyes. "I don't know why I'm so embarrassed to tell you this," he muttered. He rumpled up his hair. "So--we hooked up."

"Oop!" Kurt said, jolting up in his chair.

"I didn't think that's what we were doing—I thought we were going for coffee. He picked me up and—he smelled good—and we were making out before we even got out of the car. He was all—tongue and hands and—" Jon made a face, shifting uncomfortably. "I liked it for, like, two minutes. And then I tried to like it for another...I don't know. It felt like. A long time. Of him all over me and me just trying to breathe. And I—um. Didn't like it."

Kurt put his fingers to his mouth. Jon's voice had gone flat and stilted and he was afraid he already knew the end of this story.

"When he came on me I was so—relieved he was done. I said—it was good for me too or something stupid and got out. All sticky and—hid in the Tim Hortons washroom to try and figure out what happened." Jon propped his elbows on the table, covering his flaming face. "Give me a second," he said, low and rough.

Kurt blinked and brushed the tear away quickly. He reached across the table and put his hand on Jon's arm, feeling him trembling under his fingers.

"Did you at least have your phone?" he asked in a small voice, wishing he could go back and make Jon safer.

Jon nodded shortly. "Cary came for me." His laugh was cracked. "God he's seen me through some shit."

He sniffed hard, lifting his chin. "Anyways. That was my first kiss. And the first time I had sex, I guess? I don't really know. I had these stupid bruises on my neck after. It's the only time I ever bought make-up." His mouth flicked in the sharp line of a smile that didn't touch his eyes. "Cary took me to get cover-up like his mom used to when his dad hit her. It was fucking...surreal. I never thought that would be me."

"Oh Jon," Kurt whispered.

Jon shot him a look, his eyes over-bright and angry. "Don't. I'm not crying in public." He ducked his head.

"Okay?" Kurt said shakily. He stuffed all the things he wanted to say back inside and put his hand over his mouth. This story was all too familiar. Sober Kurt had no problem drawing a line and walking away if a hook-up went sideways. Drunk Kurt apparently didn't know how to make his stupid, drunk mouth say 'no.' He'd made the best of a bad situation too many times and hauled his sorry ass home the next morning with promises to himself that he wasn't doing that again for any money or anyone.

Promises he'd finally figured out how to keep, thanks to his AA group.

Jon cleared his throat, rolling out his shoulders. "So that is the story of how I didn't take anyone to prom. Sonja and her girlfriend got all the rainbows. I just tagged along with Kadee and Cary and went home early. I spent the evening looking at photos of your prom and, um, crying into my pillow like a baby."

Tears blinked out of Kurt's eyes and he bent his head quickly, fishing a tissue out of his sleeve. "Sorry," he whispered.

Jon slid into the booth beside him, moving so quickly that he collided with Kurt. "I don't know why I'm sitting all the way over there when I could be here with you." Jon wrapped his arms around him and Kurt felt him take a steadying breath. "You can cry, Kurt," Jon said. "It's all right."

Kurt laughed damply, untangling his arms to hug Jon back. "Jon. I hate that story."

"It has a happy ending though," Jon said. "Right? Because here I am on a date in Red Deer with you."

Kurt leaned his cheek against his, glancing at the restaurant, moderately busy in the middle of a Sunday. "Can I kiss you in public?" he asked.

Jon smiled into his eyes and he put his hand on Kurt's cheek to kiss him once, sweet and soft. "What happens in the Deer, stays in the Deer," he said. "I'll just go get our bill."

He was gone before Kurt could protest that he was paying.

He left Kurt tangled in a mess of feelings. Kurt hugged his robe around himself, closing his eyes. Why had it not occurred to him that he was someone important to Jon White, all the way back to high school together? When this serious, adorable new guy showed up in Kurt's youth group mid-way through his Grade 11 year, there was no question he'd gotten attached. Given the way everything ended, Kurt had assumed those feelings only went one way--or, if Jon had cared for him, that those feelings had dramatically, permanently changed. Jon had ended their relationship abruptly, changing schools and changing his phone. Kurt's texts and calls went unanswered; Jon White cut him off cold.

There was no escaping it; Kurt was attached again, all their shared history hooking into his skin and capturing his heart. Jon was a thousand times more warm and open than he'd been in high school, but Kurt was afraid at some point a switch was going to flip and Jon was going to fuck him right up again. He cared so much about Jon already, it was terrifying. Kurt liked himself sober, and the biggest threat to his sobriety were his own big feelings.

He hummed sadly, thinking of every happy moment he'd shared with Jon over the past weeks. Kurt was coming to feel that Jon was the best person he knew. Jon deserved someone good. He deserved a boyfriend who cared about him, who treasured his secrets and didn't flake out on him. For some incomprehensible reason, he'd picked Kurt for that person.

(Could he be the man who held Jon White? Nicky was the only relationship he'd made work for longer than a few weeks, and look how well that went.)

Kurt had not sorted himself out before Jon returned to the booth, smiling and tugging on the sleeve of his robe. "Where to next, Kurt?"

He unfolded from the table, taking Jon's hand in his cold fingers. Jon tucked his hand in the warmth of his own pocket, without appearing to think about it. "I actually think I just want to go home," Kurt said. "Is that lame?" He leaned into Jon, and Jon rearranged himself to hug him close. His sturdy body steadied Kurt a little, telling him again he was safe.

(How did Jon's arms do that?)

Kurt sighed. "I'd rather snuggle on our couch and watch a movie, than go to the theatre with an armrest between us."

"Done," Jon said. He held the door of the restaurant for Kurt, then took his arm to promenade Kurt up the sidewalk to the car. When he unlocked Kurt's door and opened it for him, Kurt genuinely felt like a queen.

(And like he was gasping, a fish flopping on land trying to re-learn how to breathe.)

1487 words.