For Us

51. Up close and personal.

{Jon}

Jon finished the night cleaning and was agonizing over an email to his boss about the staff response to Jordin's pronoun change when his personal phone buzzed against his stomach. Sighing, he pushed away from the desk, pulling out his phone.

Kurt: <thinking about you *red heart*>

Checking the time, Jon thumbed the call button.

"Hey, it's my Natty Lite." Kurt's voice was warm and Jon's mouth lifted in a smile.

"Hey," he said softly back. "It's my love."

Kurt chuckled. "How's the night?"

Jon squeezed the top of his neck, walking to the kitchen to look out at the darkened street. "Um. A bit of catch up from missing my shift yesterday." There was a beat of quiet and he realized maybe he hadn't told Kurt he'd got someone to cover his shift for him so they could stay home together. "Some unhappy staff to deal with and boring emails to write. Same same. You? Sleeping okay?"

"Mm-hm," Kurt said. "You should see our room now. Cary got me all the rainbows."

Jon's laugh felt like it unknotted his stomach. He was so relieved that Kurt's first night alone wasn't being plagued by night fears. "Did you make it to your meeting? Any stories?"

Kurt sighed. "Didn't get my shit together to go, no. I'll be there today or my sponsor will be all up in my DMs asking where I've been. He's excellent like that," he drawled.

Easing his neck from side to side, Jon remembered standing by another darkened window, waiting for Cary to bring Kurt home. He knew very little about this part of Kurt's life and he thought his boyfriend seemed relaxed enough to talk about it.

"What's it like for you?" Jon asked. "Can you stop drinking once you start?"

"Yeah," Kurt said slowly. "On a good night. When I'm feeling okay I could walk away. But I might drink more thinking I'm good and then-it's like trying to walk against a river running the other direction. Eventually it's just gonna catch my legs up and send me head over heels. Drowned. I figured out it's better just to not get in that river at all. Never know how deep it's gonna be."

"Saturday wasn't a good night."

"Saturday was a fucking tidal wave," Kurt said roughly. "I didn't think anyone was coming for me and Nicky was hauling my ass all over town before taking me back to his place." Jon heard him take an unsteady breath.

Jon's free hand fisted, his fingernails digging into his palm. "I should've just waited in the truck for you." His voice was pressed. "I'm so sorry we left you behind."

It was quiet a moment, then Kurt said, "Nobodies' fault but my own, White. You shoulda been able to leave me for forty-five minutes to look after myself. That's my shit, not yours."

Jon rubbed his fist into his stinging eyes.

"Cary has a new project I'm helping him with," Kurt said, changing the subject.

"Yeah?" Jon said, clearing his tight throat.

Kurt described The Ringmaster in far more detail than Jon was able to picture for himself and he smiled as he listened, loving the quiet happiness in his boyfriend's voice. They were silent together a few moments, then Kurt said muzzily, "Night, love. I'm sleepy now. See you in a few."

When Jon got home, he nudged open the door to the room he shared with Kurt. Stars and planets were turning faintly over the walls and passing over the blanket lump of Kurt, asleep. Quietly, Jon slipped out of his hoodie and jeans and slid between the covers. His hand bumped Kurt's bare back and the other man jerked, making a soft noise of alarm, swimming around to see who was behind him.