For Us

60. Close call.

{Jon}

As they laid out the meats and cheeses and olives, and made a mountain of fresh veggies to eat raw alongside, Kurt and Cary bantered easily with each other and Jon smiled until his cheeks ached. His eyes followed Kurt like the other man might vanish if he looked away. Making up today felt like visiting his chiropractor—immediate relief from pain, but still tender at the point that had been misaligned.

When the snack-feast was spread over their counter and table, it was obvious that Jon had bought more food than even three hungry men could consume in one night. Kurt lit the candles, the flame glowing in his eyes and illuminating the curl of his lips as the wick caught. The music swirling underneath their conversation was one of Kurt's playlists, and Jon couldn't remember the last time he'd heard Cary laugh so much. He leaned against the sink with his hands tucked in his pockets, drinking it in.

At the table, Kurt smacked Cary's hand away from the meat tray, saying, "Wait for the grace, Douglas—were you born in a barn?" and turning to Jon expectantly.

Jon's laugh shook him, then his breath hitched and tears dropped out of his eyes. He covered his face, trying to press those tears back. Why was he crying now?

"Oh—Jon," Kurt said, swiftly getting up to hug him. "Hey, hey." His hands rubbed up and down Jon's back.

Jon wrapped his arms around him, trying not to hold him too hard, but he was trembling and his knees were unsteady. His hands fisted in Kurt's shirt. "I almost lost you," he said. All the fear and grief he hadn't let himself feel in the moment shook him hard.

Kurt hugged him tighter. "Close call, love, I feel that." He set his feet wide so they were face to face, brushing Jon's cheeks with his thumbs. His own blue eyes sparkled with tears, but his smile lit him brighter than the candle flames. "We pulled through, though and here I am. Making you cry as promised."

Behind them, Cary said gruffly, "Dear Jesus, thank you for this food, amen. I'm eating—don't mind me. Feel free to join when you're done. No hurry. Jon's needed a good cry for some time now."

He was probably right, because Jon couldn't stop shaking with tears for a full minute, his cheek pressed against the thump of Kurt's heart. Kurt's arms wrapped around him, his long fingers rubbing the back of his neck, finally sent the message down to Jon's bones: Kurt Visser was staying.

When he could finally catch his breath and stand on his own, Kurt cautiously drew back. "Better?"

Jon nodded. Taking Kurt's hand, he pressed a kiss in his palm, and laid it against his cheek. He couldn't say the words yet for how completely he belonged to Kurt, but as he met Kurt's eyes the colour rose in his boyfriend's face like he didn't have to.

"I'm eating all this salami," Cary said to no one in particular. "And the best olives are gonna be gone in another minute."

Laughing, Kurt and Jon separated, but just enough to eat. Their hands found each other all evening, brushing each others' arms or shoulders or legs like their bodies were magnets drawn together.

When they'd eaten their fill and toasted any number of silly things with their non-alcoholic bubbly, including Jon's closet and Misty's furry tummy, Jon tapped his fingers on Kurt's knee. "I didn't get any dessert, love. Will you...?"

Kurt glanced at his guitar on her stand beside their carpet and took a breath. "If I say no, will you be mad?"

Jon tipped his face. "No."

"There's some new music coming maybe." Kurt put his hand on his chest. "I don't have the heart to sing the stuff from before. It's not—mine anymore."

Jon observed that his immediate impulse was to argue and ask questions and try to solve that. He didn't think Nicky could actually take the rights to Kurt's music when Kurt's name was on the album credits, and some of the songs they'd performed live weren't even on the EP. He set that impulse aside, realizing that Kurt wasn't telling him a fact about a problem that needed solving. Kurt was telling him a feeling and Jon could just let that be. Kurt was good at working through his feelings.