The Gemini

15. The Deserter

Jane-Anne Pearce

"What did you say?" Lena asked me.

"I don't think I belong in New York," I confessed, a little bit louder. I didn't want to be surrounded by people who couldn't make themselves forget what I did. Because then I couldn't forget either. Deep down, I knew I never planned on going back.

"So where do you think you belong?" Lena asked.

I shrugged.

"You can't just leave," Lena practically whined.

"What's going on?" Finn asked, walking back with a small bottle of gasoline in his hand.

"Jane-Anne doesn't want to go back with me." Lena huffed.

"Really?" Finn asked, sounding surprised. "Where are you going to g-"

"I don't know." I interrupted. "I just want to start over... with everything."

No one spoke, allowing the silence to permeate the air around us. I felt guilty saying how I felt out loud.

"Maybe I should leave," Lena suggested. "I'll come back tomorrow, just to... check on everything, okay? Then you can decide whether or not you want to come back." Lena glanced at me, and I could tell that she didn't think I was going to make it a day on my own.

"Okay." I smiled, trying to pretend that Lena wasn't right.

"Okay." Lena agreed.

Just like that, Lena Matthews was gone.

And I regretted everything.

"This was a bad idea." I spouted instantly, pacing around the empty courtyard. The stars cackled at me from above, melting into a distorted music that didn't let my mind go.

"I thought this was what you wanted," said Finn.    
"I don't know what I want!" I exclaimed.

My mind and heartbeat raced, trying to remember the last time I've made a big decision by myself. I can't be on my own. I've never been allowed to be like that. I couldn't leave my house without supervision for years. Maybe I needed to find my dad. But what if I told him what I did? I would break eventually. I needed Lena to come back now.

"Maybe you can spend the night here." Finn offered. "When Lena gets back, you can leave with her, okay? Or go somewhere else."

I nodded vigorously, my mind still reeling from unfamiliar adrenaline. The entire world was spinning now, blurring into an indiscernible white that made me cringe. Without warning, I had been transported somewhere else.

Chills attacked my body, engulfing me in an unfamiliar numbness. I was stuck in a wasteland, with Finn nowhere to be seen. When I looked down, I was wearing a white robe that sank into the snow beneath me.

"Hello?" I called into the emptiness.

"She's back!" someone yelled over the howling snow. I shivered uncontrollably. A figure hiked through the snow, wearing a thick black jacket over a gray t-shirt with jeans and sneakers that didn't look fit for the blizzard. He walked calmly, like he had gone through this a million times. Snow got caught in his black hair, but he didn't react.

"What's going on?" I called into the wind, looking around desperately.

"It's going to be fine, Jane-Anne." the boy assured me. He turned behind him. "Ro! Get over here! She showed up again!"

"I don't understand," I repeated, my body convulsing with unfamiliar shivers.

The boy shrugged off his coat and tried to hand it to me, but I pushed it back. It was freezing, and I wasn't about to take away someone else's warmth.