COSMOS

I am a cosmos

I think I asked you before - what is your first memory?

Brett might have forgotten everything now but I'm different. I remember everything, from the first day I bloomed. Yes, it was the warmth, the dark, and the pounding of the heart. I saw the widening of Brett's eyes. How Eddy quickly closed the distance between their lips. Brett recoiling back, laughing.

"Yuck! I don't get why Jess will want to kiss me."

"I'm just helping you out! But all girls want a kiss when they got out on a lego date," Eddy insisting as he leaned forward once more, relishing the sweet taste of Brett. And I moved some of myself into Brett that day, only as a seedling.

Brett's childhood crush was fleeting, childish, and innocent. But it was never directed to Eddy.

I bloomed inside Eddy when he was 6 years old.

Maybe it was the way Brett smiled. The unique way he played the violin. Who knows, even as a flower, love is a difficult matter. One thing was certain though - Eddy was in love with Brett and I grew from that love. I dug my root deep inside Eddy's lungs, screaming his love up to the fresh air outside.

Listen to me, Brett.

Was my voice heard? Maybe it was too much. When Eddy moved to Sydney for two years, I needed to wail extra louder to get my voice across. The last thing I remember was the masked surgeon pulling me out from Eddy. Some of myself wilted to death that day. The red thread was snipped. How could someone do such a cruel thing?

Just getting my point across, everyone - Eddy needed to be loved!

Some part of me still remained in Brett though.

Eddy didn't remember Brett when he returned from Sydney but they became friends again, without much difficulty. And when Brett began to love Eddy, finally, yes, I grew with all my heart inside Brett. I stretched high to the sky, singing the love that nurtured me.

Love is so beautiful. Love needs to be heard, valued. Ain't I right?

Yes, I killed that girl. For Brett. For Eddy. Sorry about that. But does anyone care?

What matters the most for me is Brett. I want them to be together. Is it too much to ask? I'm just a brainless flower. Please, don't talk morals to me.

But love me, Eddy. Love me, please.

Love me. Love me.

Love me.