I'll Always Love You - A Romanogers Fanfic

75

NATASHA'S POV

We begin the return to the compound the very next morning after saying goodbye to Okoye and the other Wakandan soldiers who didn't snap.
I've been awake all night, dreading the fact that I have to tell Steve that James disappeared too, and making a list over who I know snapped.

I've been trying not to, but I've been crying my eyes out while writing this damn list. I only have four people on there, because I have no fucking clue who else of the people I know and care for are gone.

Wanda Maximoff
Sam Wilson
King T'Challa
Bucky Barnes
James Rogers

"Are these everyone we know who snapped?" I ask Thor. I know there were a lot of Wakandan soldiers too, but I don't know their names.
He looks at the list and nods heavily.
"And my friend Tree" he says. "Who's that?" He asks and points at James' name.
"Doesn't matter" I say and shake my head, trying to hold in the tears that are threatening to come again.
"Tree's name is Groot" Steve sighs from the other end of the ship, flown by the raccoon.
The raccoon starts sobbing and Thor looks up at him as I write Groot's name on the list.
"Don't sob Rocket. When we land we will buy some pop-tarts, and things will look brighter" he says to cheer himself and Rocket up.
"What are pop-tarts?" Rocket asks, sounding interested despite the sadness in his voice.
"They are some kind of little cakes. Magnificent, but they're only made by the mortals" Thor says, and sounds a little disappointed that they don't make them in Asgard.
"Can't be worse than the time Quill tried to cook" Rocket chuckles to himself.

"Do we know if Tony snapped? Or Clint? Or that spider-boy from Queens?" Steve asks.
Oh fuck! Clint!
"It's spider-man. And now all of a sudden you care about Tony?" Rhodey asks.
"Tony and I may not be at the best terms, but I still care about him" Steve says and crosses his arms.
"You-" Rhodey begins with a bit of an angry tone, but I cut him off.
"Stop that. We're dealing with a massive loss of all creatures, we can't turn against each other" I say, close my eyes and rub my temples.
I can't seem to fathom this loss of everyone, and I have a massive headache just from trying to.

Everyone goes silent. The only noise is the low rumbling of the jet.
We're all exhausted and down from our defeat, and I hate myself for not being able to do anything else.

We land at the Compound, and even though no one's usually around anyways, I can almost feel the people missing.

"Natasha" Steve says and pulls me back by the arm as the rest enters the building.
"What?" I ask and look into his blue eyes. I can't help but think that our baby boy could've had those eyes.
"I'm just so glad you're okay. I thought for a second back there, that I'd lost you like I lost Bucky" he says and pulls me in for a tight hug.
"I thought I lost you too" I mumble into his chest, and I take in his familiar scent.
"I'm so thankful that I have still have you and James, I don't know what I'd do withou-.." he sighs and feels for my bump, but it disappeared with James.
"Natasha? Where is the bump?" He asks and looks into my eyes with a wild look in his.

I look down. I know he knows, but I also know that he won't believe it until I tell him.
"Natasha! Tell me where our boy went!" He shouts, not angrily, more desperate.
"You know exactly where he went!" I scream, out of my mind miserable, and for the first time since I lost him I let myself cry.
"No...god...no" Steve starts sobbing and looks around like a lost puppy.
"Thanos...took...him...from...us" I hiccup, tears running down my cheeks, and I hide my face in my hands.
"Fuck you Thanos. You terrible being!" Steve screams to the sky and his voice trembles in both anger and sadness.
"I'm so sorry, My Love, that I couldn't stop him, I'm so sorry" Steve sobs and wraps his arms around me.
"It's not your fault, it's my fault, there...have...to be something...I could've done...to keep him...alive" I cry.
"It isn't your fault, Natasha, do you hear me? It's not, it's Thanos' fault" Steve says and cups my face forcing me to look into his now red and puffy eyes.
"How can someone be so horrible?" I whisper.
"I don't know" Steve mouths before he pulls me close again, and we kinda just stand in each other's arms, mourning the loss of our son.

But I will never tell Steve how absolutely heartbreaking it felt coughing up James, because as strong as he may be, he wouldn't be able to bear that.
———————————————

STEVE'S POV

I hold Natasha close. So close. She's my last loved one, my most loved one.
As much as I'm hurting I can't imagine what it must've been like for Nat feeling James disappear, and I wish I could shield her, myself and everyone from every pain right now.

But I can't. I tried. And I failed so gruesomely.

I can't stop crying into her hair, and after an insane amount of time we finally pull away from the hug.
"We need to get inside, we have to try and save everyone" Natasha says determined, but I know how impossible it must be for her to even think, that that's a possibility.
"You're right, we have to do something" I say and follow her inside with a heavy heart.

When we enter the common room everyone is sitting around the table. No one is talking, and the only noise is Thor and Rocket chewing on some pop-tarts that I'm pretty sure expired at least two years ago.

"We need to do something" I say and wipe the few tears left on my face.
"Are you crying, Captain?" Rhodey asks.
"I am, Rhodey. I miss them" I say.
I pull Nat in for a hug, and she wipes her cheeks in my suit before she hugs me back and look at the others.
"And...you and Nat, are you..?" Bruce asks.
"Yeah" Natasha mumbles, and Bruce nods hesitantly.
"Well, at least that's good news" Thor says with his mouth full, receiving a look from Bruce. "Sorry, Brucey" he shrugs and pats his shoulder.

"But you're right, Captain, we need to do something"  Rhodey says.
"We need to find out who snapped, and we must do it fast, but thoroughly" I say.

I can't really tell if this is good, but I feel like no matter what it's still sad, and I like that.
The many next chapters will - if I can write it sad - be sad, because, we're almost in the Endgame...
(We still have to fill five years of depression of course, and we will, but there will be loads of time skips because if there isn't it'll be boring)