Take Two

16║Snow

Wow, Amy- an update only three days after you last updated? Go you! anywho; I'm posting this now because I already know that I'll basically be out of writing commission until Tuesday the 31st so please don't expect an update this Friday; I might try to find time to write, but I'm not promising anything... either way, enjoy this update- it was actually quite easy to write.

In other news, I've finally decided on twenty-six chapters for this book- ten more to go! this means in an ideal world this book will be finished very soon- hopefully camp nano will give me the grounds to finish this book as well as work on my new one.

dedicated to for @lab989 for her lovely comment. thanks!

S I X T E E N;

I used to think that I had life all figured out. I knew what clothes to wear to make other girls envious of me, I knew what colour to paint my lips to make the boys want to touch them with their own, and I knew what words to shove into an essay to make the teacher think that I knew exactly what they taught.

In reality, the only thing that I used to do was pretend. Pretend that I didn't hear the fights of my parent's rocking the walls of our house. Pretend that I didn't notice when Zach started cheating on me. Pretend that I was happy.

Now I was able to look back and realize that I wasn't happy, that I wasn't perfect. The little bubble of thinly veiled protection that I had built around myself had been shattered the minute my brother's car had crashed into little pieces- and I was left with nothing.

I was starting to realize that there was no such thing as perfect. I thought that my brother was right when he said that my relationship with Carter wasn't working because we weren't 'perfect' for each other. But in some ways we were- his loud and boisterous ways balanced out my quiet and calm personality. He was everything that I wasn't.

Yet, as I sat watching the snow fall around me, it wasn't hard for me to realize that we weren't the same people. His loud personality was gone; he was sullen, quiet- not the same popular boy that he was before. The same way that I had reverted even further back into my shell- fearing socialization the same way some people feared death.

We weren't the same; but he still got me. He knew what to say to get me to smile, he knew when I needed space, and- more importantly- he understood what I was going through. Carter didn't force me to move on like everyone else did, he didn't expect me to jump back into my old personality after one week. He knew. Although that didn't change that fact that he got behind the wheel drunk, with my brother by his side.

"You called?"

Elli. I looked up at the sound of her voice and gave her a small smile, Carter's face still at the forefront of my mind. God, even after I agree to go on a date with Zach I still can't stop thinking about him.

Elli walked across the park, her hands shoved deep into the pockets of her winter jacket and her cheeks tinged with a dull red from the battering blows of the wind. "Are you alright?" She asked, her eyebrows pulled together in the middle in obvious concern.

"No." I said softly, not meaning for her to hear hit- but by the way her face softens I can tell that she does.

Elli settled in next to me on the bench, sitting silently with me as we both watch the snow fall. It was only a few weeks until the holidays, nearly marking the conclusion of mine and Carter's work for our assignment. We're meant to present it only a few days before the break, and then Carter never has to talk to me again if he wishes. And, for some reason, the thought of never speaking to Carter again sends a pang through my chest.

"I heard what happened." Elli offered, her eyes still trained on the empty park in front of us. When I called her I didn't want her to come to my house; that would only start questions of where my dad was, so I volunteered the park at the end of the street. Although I regretted the decision the minute I stepped outside and saw the snow falling down- an event that was long overdue but was shocking nonetheless.