Take Two

20║Familiar Face

I logged on today and saw that I hadn't updated in 21 days! Unfortunately this chapter is a short one, but those of you who follow me know that I've been very sick. When I was finally feeling better I spent this past weekend at a seminar and then next week for three days I will be at a camp. So, this is the best that I can do at the moment.

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T W E N T Y;

There was nothing said between Carter and I on what we would do now. We knew that we would move- in what direction we didn't know. It was possible that we would move backwards; regressing into a relationship that consisted of nothing more than stolen glances and nods of acknowledgment. A relationship like that was something that I probably deserved for treating Carter the way that I had.

Yet, on the other hand, there was moving forward. It was as if we were on a train, with each stop depicting the height of our relationship. The first stop, acquaintances. The second, friendship. The third, dating.

Sitting on this train was painful, neither Carter nor I knowing which stop the other would get off at. It would hurt if the next time that I saw Carter he barely even acknowledged me, but I knew that it was something that I probably deserved. Then, there was friendship. We had been there, done that- even have the shirt to prove it. But the last time we had slipped back in to being friends, ever conversation with him left a knot in my stomach. But at the same time I didn't know that I wanted to be dating Carter again. We would be going to university in less than a year which would probably result in another painful breakup.

Sitting in my car, looking at the imposing façade of my school, it hit me just how much I didn't know what I which way I wanted my relationship with Carter to go.

So, I decided to let him do the talking. It would be up to him how he wanted to treat me. It was possible that after I left his house he realized what a horrible person I was, and that I wasn't the type of friend that he wanted in his life. But it was also possible that he thought that this was his chance to get back with me.

The internal battle of what I wanted now included what I wanted Carter to do, and there was no way that I was going to win.

I was struggling to come to a conclusion that wouldn't leave me with regrets, which only turned my stomach even more.

The sound of the first warning bell met my car, reminding me that I couldn't spend all day sulking within the confines of my vehicle. Reluctantly, I grabbed my backpack and locked my car, walking towards the doors of the last place that I wanted to be.

I was met with an eerie silence as I walked through the nearly empty hallways of the school; it was almost as if my peers knew the internal battle that was raging on inside of me and set the scenery to go with it.

"Zoe!"  

The sound of Carter's voice echoed through the hallways, almost like it was chasing me as I walked away from him. Slowly I stopped moving, spinning on my heel to look at him. He looked tired, his hair standing up in all different directions like he had spent hours tugging on it. His face lit up when our eyes met, like he truly was happy to see me.