Who Am I Anymore?

Where's My Life Going

Dean was now 23, his birthday was last week. It's late February. Dean and I have been tryin to hold back on flirting and what not, especially at work, until June since it's only 4 months away but he comes over to the house on occasion to hang out and I've spent a couple of my off days over at his house, but nothing major happened just hung out, smoked weed, watch tv, ride motorcycles, and we both agreed absolutely no sex until my birthday.

Kiara has been acting different lately, she's more distant. I was afraid I had done something wrong she's not telling me. Then one night I was staying at Dean's and she had went to Aris' house for the night I got this in a text:

"This needs to end. I will NEVER be able to choose you over Aris. No more flirty things, suggestions, or acts. I don't want it. I never will. I'm just your friend. And your just my friend. And it would make me happy if we stayed real friends after this. That's all I can think to tell you now."

I didn't show Dean because what was the point? Kiara had made my decision for me. If she wants to just stay friends then sweet, I got a sexy older man who loves me. Does it hurt knowing Kiara doesn't see me that way. Yeah, but hey I guess it's pay back for all the years I said I was straight when she liked me.

"You ok?" Dean asked me wrapping an arm around me as we sat on his couch. He traced my pistol and peonies tattoo on my bicep I had gotten when I was 16 and the scars from various injuries: work, manual labor, welding, trauma, or sports related, with his rough finger.

"Yeah," I kissed him. I wasn't though, my mental problems had been getting to me a lot lately and the message from Kē didn't help.

"Wanna smoke a joint, Babygirl?" He got up and grabbed a couple from his bed room and a lighter.

"Or..." I took them from him and set them on table and grabbed his waistband pulling him toward me, "could go ridin." He smiled he loved his motorcycle more than anything and the fact I liked riding with him made me that much more special to him.

"Baby, it's snowing outside. How bout we get some food then get baked when we come back?"

"Where y'wanna eat?"

"Free food from work?""

"Deal," I grabbed his keys and walked to his garage to, his second love only to his motorcycle, his sports car. I'm like third on the list or maybe four behind his reptiles and bird,though he'd never say that, he claims I'm his one true love.

"Hey, you ain't driving," he pulled by my waist to him, he kissed me and took his keys from me. "I love you little one."

"I love you too sexy."

When we got to Taco Bell and Dean opened the door for me, Chase and Travis greeted us. "What're y'all doin ya crazy kids?" Travis said.

"We're hungry," I said.

"What y'all need? Pope yelled from the back.

"I want 2 chicken quesadillas. Bab- Luna, you want a steak queorito and a crunchwrap with no tomatoes and a Dorito shell instead of a toasta?"

"Yes please," I told him.

"No tomatoes and a dlt shell got ya," Pope said working on our food with Levi.

"How sweet, he knows the food you like," Chase awed.

"I normally make her lunch when we're working," Dean smiled.

"I love the necklace, Luna," Travis said.

"Thank you," I blushed.

"Dean, it's that your hoodie," Pope nodded at me wearing a huge Harley Davison hoodie as he handed Dean a bag of food.