I Lied When I Said I Was Okay (frerard)

part 12- Rise above this.

Ok, you’re all gonna be so fucking shocked after you read this chapter!!!! Asdfghjkl ^-^ hope you enjoy it, walnuts <3

p.s. listen to the song, it’s amazing. ^-^

Gerards p.o.v:

Suicide is a permanent solution to temporal problems.

Suicide is a permanent solution to temporal problems.

Suicide is a permanent solution to temporal problems.

Suicide is a permanent solution to temporal problems.

Suicide is a permanent solution to temporal problems.

I ran that thought through my head over, and over and over. Though, it didn’t stop me. I was already on my way to franks and mine special place. Yes, I meant that old flour mill in the forest. I decided that I’m going to do it by jumping. Ill jump off the bridge; it’s tall enough and the rocks beneath it are quite sharp so I guess it would be fast and painless: the exact opposite of my life.

I was walking with my ipod in my ears, listening to ‘rise above this’ by seether.

Apparently, all of your life does flash in front of your eyes as you’re heading to your death. I thought of all the times Frank, Mikey and I had so much fun. Live the life while we’re young. I miss it so much, and now I can’t ever bring it back no matter how hard I try. I am going to do this, and I’m not turning back.

‘Take the light, and darken everything around me

call the clouds and listen closely, I'm lost without you

Call your name every day when i feel so helpless

I'm fallin' down but I'll rise above this, rise above this’

I swear, the lyrics are about me.

‘I’ll miss you…’

what did Frank mean? He might say bye, or ‘I had fun’ or ‘can’t wait to do this again’… but ‘I’ll miss you’? He never says that. Unless he intends to go away for some time. But if he did…. Where the hell did he go? And what the fuck is he doing??!! He would’ve told me if he went somewhere, wouldn’t he?

Nevermind, it doesn’t matter now. It would be easier if I don’t think of them. Mikey’s already 15, he could manage by himself. He doesn’t need my help, He has frank. Frank? Well, it’s not like I was too important to him. They’ll be okay. As long as I make it look like it was an accident. No suicide notes, no clues. I just ‘happened’ to fall off the bridge. Things like this happen, don’t they?

I kept replaying all the moments when Frank hugged me in my mind, trying to re-feel his touch. His voice kept replaing in my head, telling me not to do it. I wish it would stop, enough; I don’t want to hurt him. He keeps telling me not to do it, he says that there’s too much to live for and that the world is beautiful. It’s not beautiful at all in my opinion. The world is ugly, but you’re beautiful to me, Frank.

I sigh, I really am going to miss him. I love him too much and it’s hard to let go, but I have to. It’s for everyone’s good. I think it’s the right decision even though it’s stupid. But it would help, not me, but everyone else. Ive been too much trouble for everyone lately, and they don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve life.

I soon reach the bridge, small drops falling on my hair. It started raining. Everything was so depressing, just the right weather to commit suicide. I take a few breaths, and start walking further onto the bridge. I reach the end of the bridge, and look down just to see where I’m going to land.

I look down, and surprised to see that someone is there. Someone’s lying on the rocks, covered in blood. I guess someone already thought of it as a good place to do it. Strange, I didn’t think anyone actually knows this place exept for me and Frank. I inspected the character from the bridge. Plain black shirt with a red tie, black skinnies and raven black hair. It was male, I think, and he was quite short. There was a note beside him, probably a suicide note. I couldn’t help but feel sorry for the poor person who decided to end his life. A few tears were staining my face slowly. As much as I don’t feel sorry for myself, I do feel sorry for that teen. He doesn’t deserve it, I’m sure. I just wish I could be there to help him. I rather help him than seeing that he killed himself. At this moment, I just really wanted the guy to come back to life so I can hug him and tell him that everything is ok. That I intend to help him and save him. To be there for him, as I wished to be there for every kid that wanted to commit suicide or to harm himself. It’s funny how I think it’s so wrong but find MYSELF doing it anyway.

Wait…. I noticed something.

 Something important.

 Something that changed everything.

I was shocked for a second. I couldn’t move at all, like my legs weight like the world. My mouth was opened in an ‘o’ shape, I almost passed out. The sight was something I never thought I’ll see. And then, my chest started filling with pain and I screamed loudly. At that moment, I literally fell apart. My heart was cut from every direction with pain that I never felt before. I kept screaming until I lost my voice, and felt like I ripped my throat from the inside. I couldn’t get over what I saw, I just crashed on the bridge and sobbed as loudly as I could. It hurt so bad, I felt like my brain is exploding and my soul is being ripped out of my body forcibly. I slammed my head hard on the bridge .

‘NOOOOO!!!!’ I yell but it comes like a quiet and painful squeak of a ghost. My eyes already burn from crying, I can’t move my body. Everything hurts, but not as much as my heart.

I completely break down. I’ve been killed on the inside. I don’t feel alive anymore. I keep slamming my head on the bridge and trying to scream my heart out.

What DID I see?

Well…. I saw a scorpion tattoo on the guy’s neck.

The guy was frank.

I told you you were going to be completely shocked, didn’t I???!!!!!!!! XDDDDD

please don’t hate me :P leave comments and vote, please!

Thank you for reading, it means a lot to me. <3

so, dear walnuts, shall I keep writing this awful fic?