Better Or Worse (Destiel Short Story)

Six

Now

"Come on, Clarence, we'll go drink our feelings away. It's not like he's divorcing you, he's just being a coward and running away from the heavy stuff," Meg said, shoving at Castiel's leg. He shifted away from her, hiding further in his blanket. His blanket that Dean bought when Cas had a meltdown and took a pair of scissors to theirs. Cas closed his eyes, a fresh wave of tears coming to his eyes.

"I don't feel like going out, Meg," he muttered. Heavy stuff. She'd said the heavy stuff. Cas can't imagine what's heavier than having to bathe your spouse because they're too numb to do it themselves. Dean was the one who cleaned the blood off of him in hospital. Dean held him up in the shower, fully clothed, with nurses behind him, because Cas' legs were still being treated from the lack of blood they got when they were stuck in the car. Dean bathed him regularly after that because Cas left his mind in that car, next to Miranda and Nova. Dean held him when Cas woke up screaming in the middle of the night, whispering sweet nothings when all Cas could do is cry.

"Come on, Cas, you've been in bed for two days, I'm bored," Meg said, a roll of her eyes evident in her tone. Cas' face twisted up. He shoved the blankets off of himself and Meg cheered with victory until she saw the look on Cas' face.

"Two years," he said.

"Two years?" Meg questioned.

"I've been in this damn bed for two years and not once did Dean make me feel bad about it." He jumped out of the bed and threw the covers away from himself.

"He didn't make you feel bad about it? He kept your son isolated from you, he talked about Amy like it was nothing, and he barely even looks at you," Meg argued.

"He's protecting Jack from seeing me like this." Cas suddenly feels suffocated in his own skin. "A numb lump of the father Jack used to know. Amy is his niece, she's my niece, and I've abandoned her because I've been stewing in my trauma rather than facing it. And he probably can't look at me because I've been a shell of who I am. Fuck!" Cas kicked a laundry basket, sending laundry flying. "What have i done? Who am I?" He ran a hand through his hair, tugging at the roots.

"Dramatic," Meg answered. "Don't you get it?" She stood up and grabbed Cas' shoulders. "I was here for five minutes before you were out of bed. It's me. I'm so much better for you than he is," she said.

"What?" Cas' face twisted down in confusion.

"It's me, Cas." Then she leaned up and pressed their mouths together. Cas allowed himself a single second of shocked stillness before he was pushing her off of him.

"Holy shit. No, Meg," Cas stepped away wide eyed. "Oh my god. What have I done? Dean probably hates me right now and Jack. Oh god, I, I just left them all alone. Meg, I need you to leave," he said as calmly as possible as his heart raced.

"What, cas-" she stepped towards him and he stepped back.

"Seriously, Meg, I need you to leave. Get out." He held his hands up, not daring to look at her. She stared at him for a solid minute, like she was waiting for him to realize something he wasn't going to realize. Then she scoffed, shook her head, and stormed out of the room. With a slow sigh, Cas moved forward.

He switched out his sweatpants for a pair of jeans, threw on a tee shirt, and laced his feet into his shoes. He made sure Meg was out of the house before leaving it himself and for the first time in two years, he got into his car. His hands shook on the wheel but he kept the car steady as he pulled out of the driveway.