choking insanity

stupid foolish girl

    i swear her head is starting to fill with rotten leaves as she stares wide-eyed in agape, he just seems so beautiful to her.
   she's not sure what it is—maybe the way his coffee-stained hair parts, maybe it's the way he flashes a white toothed smile every once in a while,
       or maybe it's the twisted version of him she's made up in that rotten head of hers.

        the conversations they have that seeps out of her ruby smeared lips, they're not real,
         it's all in her mind.
the way he's kind to her, the way he treats her right, how he holds her.
            she can't see through what's rational and what's not, she doesn't understand.

         she looks at him through rose colored glasses, her skull is clogged with images of him—and she talks about him.
         she numbs her friends ears off with the little things he did that day:
              how many times she saw him,
          how many grins he flashed,
                how many glances he stole.

                 she doesn't understand.

she doesn't understand why when she sees him through the skeleton crowd her smile becomes full with yellowing screams of jealousy. 
             she wishes she could speak to him.

                   i swear she believes he feels the same way about her,
      that he gapes at her with his sunburned eyes,
            that he wants her as she wants him.

     what a stupid, foolish girl. he doesn't care, he doesn't stare, he doesn't even know who she is.

           she doesn't understand that he doesn't want her like she wants him;
      because her dreams are filled of him,
so that must mean he's been pondering over her.
these lies are strangling the dead leaves flowing through her head,
          they give her hope.
    she tries to reassure herself that deep down he feels the same way,
     that he has a light of yellow beaming throughout his bones when he sees her—if he ever sees her.

        i swear that she's going to (never) wake up from her dreams of him.
                  what a stupid, foolish girl.

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hi few things so a few days ago i wrote something like this in my journal bc i have been feeling like this (@ the boy i'm like in love with) and THEN THIS MORNING I SAW THIS TIKTOK ABOUT IT AND I WAS LIKE I HAVE TO WRITE A POEM INSPIRED BY THIS so the tiktok is @ latenighttpoetry tbh go follow also should i post that journal entry i did in rotten journal or no