False Confidence ; Jotakak

Waking up to Parties in my Lucid Dreams

CW ~ There is a tiny bit of blood. 

Polnareff didn't join us at the hotel. His empty seat at our table was an elephant in the room. "I guess he really isn't coming back." Mister Joestar finally said, defeated. Admittedly, in the short time we'd known him, Polnareff had really become part of the group, and he'd be missed. With Mister Avdol and Mister Joestar in the role as our mentors, Polnareff was kind of like an older brother. We'd be able to survive without him, but I'm not sure he could say the same.

We returned to our hotel rooms and turned in for the night. Polnareff didn't return. Jotaro and I shared a room again. I was able to pick up some more supplies at the markets on our way to the hotel. I got some clothes, some toiletries and a map. As I was digging through my things that night, I noticed that I didn't think to buy a razor. My beard was growing in, it was scratchy, patchy and uncomfortable. "Jotaro, do you have a razor I can borrow? Sorry to ask."

Jotaro went through his bag. He pulled out a cut-throat razor and passed it to me. I was kind of stunned, I wasn't expecting a blade but if anyone shaved with one of these straight razors it'd be a guy like Jotaro. "Oh," I said softly. There was no way I trusted myself to use that. One slip up and I could literally slit my own throat and die on the hotel bathroom floor. "Actually, I'll be fine. Thanks though." I said

Jotaro looked confused but accepted my change of plans. "Yeah, sure, whatever." He said. I ran my hands across my face. The growth was super itchy, it had been a few days since I'd shaved. The blade couldn't be that hard to use, right? Maybe I'd just take a little off the top.

"Shit, sorry. No, I'll use it." I stuttered.

Jotaro raised an eyebrow. I looked at him, confirming I was serious. He rolled his eyes. "Good grief." He passed it to me.

I revealed the blade. It was kind of scary, I'd always seen these things being used as weapons in movies. I looked at myself in the mirror with the blade, I felt like an early 20th-century gangster. I wet my face with cold water, took a breath and went for the kill. Starting at the sideburn, I gently glided the blade down my face, but I felt like I didn't cut anything, worse yet, when I pulled away, I nicked myself.

"Ah, fuck." I groaned. A drop of blood fell from my temple. Jotaro was in bed, reading but in the corner of my eye, I saw him get up and come over.

"You good?" He said to me in the doorway.

I breathed deeply. "Uh, yeah I probably going to have to leave it and get a safety razor tomorrow. It wasn't as easy as it looked."

As I cleaned up, Jotaro kept looking at me. I felt embarrassed, deep down in my gut.

"Do you know how to shave?" Jotaro asked. It was a random question, and it took me aback.

"Yeah, I just don't know how to use a straight razor," I said. I felt like it was a jab at my masculinity, but I let it slide.

"No, I mean. Did anyone ever teach you to shave? Like your dad?" He added.

I thought about it. I realised Jotaro was on to something. "No," I said, thinking out loud. "Now that you mention it...no." My dad didn't really accept me as his son, we never really got to bond like father and son, we kind of just adverted each other gaze for the last several years. The fact that I now passed fully as male, without no window of a doubt - unless you saw me naked of course - really riled him up. It was confusing to him -- like I was playing God. Perhaps he worried for my soul, perhaps he worried for his too.

I didn't know what possessed me to say it, but I did. "My father and I don't have a great relationship," I muttered. "Everything he should have taught me, I learnt myself."