False Confidence ; Jotakak

Who am I to Ever Love you with Wide-Eyes

CW ~ EXPLICIT CONTENT - It's not smut, but it's definitely 18+!! Please keep that in mind!!

I awoke to Jotaro shaking me awake. "Noriaki, wake up. You're—having a nightmare." I noticed I was breathing heavily, sweating profusely, my head ached.

"Oh god," I panted. "Fuck!" Jotaro was right, I'd just had the worst nightmare, but I couldn't remember a second of it. "Thanks," I whispered.

"You good?" He asked as I sat up.

"Fuck!" I coughed. "Not really." Jotaro had been sleeping in the next room over; we were separated for this leg of the journey. I must have been having one hell of a nightmare if I had awoken him from the other room.

"Yeah. You were thrashing around pretty hard. Screaming and shit, knocking on the walls." I looked over at the clock; it was like 3:00 am.

"Shit, we've still got hours until daylight." I moaned. "I don't know if I'm going to be able to get back to sleep."  I threw myself back down into the bed.

"I can stay up with you for a bit," Jotaro said. There was a sweetness to his voice. "We could go smoke if you want."

"Thanks but, I'll be fine. I might fall asleep eventually." I held my sheets close to my chin. "It's fucking freezing," I whispered.

Jotaro got to his feet. "Uh, I know." He went over to the thermostat or whatever was controlling the temperature in the room. "Who would have thought it gets so damn cold in the desert at night." He played around with the dial for a moment. "I don't know what it's set to, but it looks like this is as warm as it gets."

I wasn't cold enough to shiver. But I was getting there. Jotaro returned to my bedside. "I know this is—probably crossing a boundary. But do you think you could get into bed with me?"

Jotaro chuckled. "You're really that cold, hey?"

I felt bad for having said it. I was so cold and lonely and scared after my nightmare, like a child. I felt so venerable, but although Jotaro and I were good friends, best friends even—this wasn't a reasonable request. "Fuck, sorry, I don't even know why I said that."

Jotaro reached for the covers and pulled them back so he could get in. He did it; he really did it. He slid in next to me. It wasn't that weird, considering what we'd already done, what we'd already shared. But I thought the idea was that we weren't going to peruse that, that it was all stupid, teenage confusion. Jotaro asked a hard question. "Are we going to lay here as friends? Or are we going to lay here as more than friends?"

I really wanted him to cuddle me, hold me, kiss the top of my head, but I don't think that's what friends do. But what if Jotaro didn't actually feel the same way. I mean, sure, we'd talked about it, but was in for real? "I miss home," I said softly. "This whole thing has been harder than I thought it'd be. Some days are harder than others. And it's been a hard day." Was it sadness I felt, homesickness? Whatever it was, I just needed Jotaro to tell me it'd be fine. "I have a lot of feelings."

"What are you feeling?"

"Like I want to lay here as more than friends."

"I think I want that too," Jotaro said. And once he did, I felt all the weight leave my shoulders. I relaxed into the bed; I held his hand under the covers.

"I don't want this to affect our friendship," I said.

"Me neither," he replied. "During the day, it's like this never happened. We tell nobody, ever. Right?"

"Right." I nodded. We just lay side by side, holding hands, looking at the ceiling. "So, what now?" How would I even start being intimate with someone?