I LOVE YOU, BUT YOU'RE NOT MINE
Every Halloween, Camilla Wilson turns another year older. Another year of her life waiting for James Potter to love her.
[COMPLETED]
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
Dear James,
Today you asked Lily Evans on a date. I was there, right next to you. I didn't know you were going to do it but it seems everybody else did. Did you not tell me because you know? You know I love you and so you didn't tell me you were going to ask Lily on a date to protect me. All these years I actually thought that it might've been a joke. People have crushes but it's all a ruse. I suppose the true reality hadn't hit me until you took action. I don't want to be upset about this.
Lily is very sweet and kind and she sees the good in almost everyone to the point where it's annoying. She doesn't deserve my hatred but it's so hard. Sometimes I feel so jealous of her it's as if she's the one I'm in love with instead of you. Her soft red hair and pale freckled skin are something I want more than anything. Her eyes are a beautiful green color and oh, her perfume is lovely. I can understand why you love her but it isn't fair.
What have I done besides give you every fiber of my being? She hates you. Me? I would light myself on fire to keep you warm.
I don't even know why I'm writing this stupid letter. I know I'll never give it to you. I keep telling myself year after year that I'll finally tell you how I feel and I never do. I'm not a very confident person in any way, shape, or form. I'm shy and awkward and don't speak my mind very often. You always tell me that I'm funny and witty and interesting to talk to but I think you're the only person who thinks that.
You're the only person who really understands me, you know? You know what mood I'm in and I don't even have to tell you. It's like our souls are cosmically aligned to be with one another. Actually, that makes me think of a quote from a book I read. "He's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same." It's from Wuthering Heights in case you ever wanted to read it.
I can't believe it's my sixteenth birthday and I'm spending it crying in my room alone while everyone else is downstairs at the party. I'm so pathetic it kills me. I suppose you're pathetic too in your own right. You and I were both cursed with loving someone who won't ever feel the same.
Do you think we'll still be friends after school? It's something I think about a lot and I don't think you do at all. It's fine though. I don't expect us to have the same anxieties about growing up but it would be nice if you were always in my life even in not the ways I want.
What I'm trying to say is that you're really special to me and I hate myself for not relinquishing the beauty of our friendship because I'm too caught up in convincing you to love me.
I'm not going to give up. I've tried but your affection is a prison and I don't think I'll ever be free.
She crumples up the parchment and throws it in the bin. Below her, she hears the sound of a bass pounding against her feet. People are having fun and it's her birthday. Camilla wishes she could have fun but her soul feels too weak for that. James loves Lily and there isn't anything Camilla can do about it.
James Potter is the devil but Camilla is more than happy to dance with him. Perhaps Lily will say "No" to his advances so many times that James will get bored and she'll no longer have to sleep in the same room as the girl he loves every night.
She starts another letter that she is going to throw away before she finishes.
A/N:
next chapter is much longer and much sadder so be prepared babes
