Chris Redfield x Reader

Twenty-One

This silence. It was that silence that existed between you that made it so unbearable. You wanted to say something, something that made him look at you or say something.
But he didn't.

At that moment, he didn't even want to look at you anymore. Every time he did, his voice trembled and he didn't know what to do.

Sometimes he had the desire to fight you, other days he wanted nothing more than to kiss you. And sometimes he wanted much more.

But he couldn't.

His head told him that if he got too close, he would regret it. But he couldn't do without you either, he knew that now. Moments ago he had told you everything without wanting to. His tongue had simply talked without permission from his mind.

Now you knew everything and he felt naked. But at the same time, he couldn't just leave again. He had to stay with you, even if he couldn't quite have what he wanted.

Having you near would be enough.

At least he hoped so.

Behind him, you sighed. It was a deep sigh, exhausted and heavy.

"Forgive me.", you said, not expecting him to react.

He didn't look back. But he did respond.

"It's fine.", he tried to sound cold, but you could tell that he had trouble keeping his feelings at bay. "Look, I don't know what I expected. I was a bit of an idiot, forget about it."

You pressed your lips together, annoyed that he reacted this way now. He had always kept his feeling locked away, but now that this lock had bursted you wanted to be as honest with him as he was with you.

"Don't.", you said, moving to his side. "I know it's... difficult with us. Really. And I never meant to hurt you, but I just- things happen when you're around and I can't explain why. I like you, Redfield. I mean Chris. But we both know that this will be more bad than good. We both need someone who can support us, a strong shoulder to lean on. Hell, I'm a fucking abandoned house that is short before collapsing. And you aren't any better. There is no good for us. Not together."

Suddenly, he stopped. As he looked at you, there was this bitter smile on his lips.

But there was also a deep sadness shimmering in those blue eyes.

"I know.", he said. "But what we need and what we want are often two different things."

You closed your eyes, hurt by the brutality of his words. And yet, you knew exactly that he was right. And you hated it.

"Chris...", his name tasted so bitter on your tongue all of a sudden. "I couldn't bare if you-!"

"Don't.", he smiled, but it still had this sadness. "If I can't have you as my better half, it's fine. I'll take whatever you give me. But please. Don't run away again. It would tear me apart."

Without saying another word, he turned around and moved on as if that was the exact thing he wanted to do. There he was again, this old soldier that hated to be chained to someone.

The only thing that bond you and him was the past and a fucked up relationship. And yet he clung to it as if his life depended on it.

For a moment, you thought about calling his name. For a moment you wished to touch his face and kiss his lips. The thought made your heart beat faster. The words were already laying on your tongue, the urge to tell him to stay by your said.

But as what?

What did you wish him to be?

A friend?

A brother in arms?

Or a lover?

No, quickly you shook your head. No, I shouldn't think this way.

In the end, he was right. You needed him as much as he needed you. Both of you depended on each other. But you knew that if things got too far, you would only break each other.

The way it was right now, two soldiers fighting side by side, was enough. It had to be enough. And maybe, just maybe, you were able to do this for longer this time. Maybe you would be able to stay by his side and fight.

But the past had taught you that the urge to run away whenever something became too much of a burden was hidden deep in your DNA.

You had always run.

And somehow you feared it would never be different. But at the same there was this hope growing in your chest. You hoped to be stronger than back then. And you hoped it would be possible to stay with him longer.

Maybe even forever.

Your own thoughts held you so captive that you didn't even notice when Chris came to a sudden stop in front of you. With a surprised gasp, you ran into him, his strong body not moving at all, and you stumbled back.

"What's wrong?", you asked, rubbing the red mark on your forehead from the impact.

He glanced over his shoulder, his eyes twitching. Then he looked straight ahead again.

"The box must be around here somewhere.", he said, looking around. "You take the left side. I'll go to the right."

As he stepped out of the way, you could see before your eyes two paths winding through the forest in different directions.

Unsure, you frowned.

"We'd better stay together.", you said, and wanted to follow him.

But when he looked at you, you could see a silent request in his eyes. He wanted to be alone. No matter if it was only a short moment and no matter how dangerous it would be, he wanted a moment for himself.

Without you.

How could you refuse him this request after he had revealed so much to you?

Swallowing hard, you nodded and turned around.

"See you back here in fifteen minutes.", you mumbled. "Call me when you find the box. I will help you carry it."

He nodded.

"The same goes for you."

You nodded, but no word would leave your lips.