High School Survival Theory

Chapter 45

I took my sweet time to reach my locker. Derek tilts his head when he sees me and gives me a smile. The smile that once used to flutter my heart. The smile that made all my bad days good.

The smile that has no effect on me now.

"Hi," I tell him as I approach closer. Emery excuses himself and walks past me.

"Hi," Derek says. He tries to engulf me in a hug but I step back.

Getting confused, Derek looks into my eyes. His blue eyes that used to mean the world to me. The eyes that I fall for in the first place.

The very same eyes that make me feel to run away and cry alone in the corner now.

I gulp and look at him straight in the eyes. "I texted you, you didn't reply to them," I tell him.

Derek stiffens for a moment. "I-my phone dropped in the pool at the party on Friday," he says. "It wasn't waterproof, and I couldn't reach you for that. Though dad said he will buy me a new one."

I nod. He doesn't look like he's lying but I don't feel like trusting his words anymore. So what of his phone died? If he really wanted to reach me, he just could've used his parents' phone or the landline.

But I let it go. For now. "We need to talk," I say.

Derek nods and follows me outside.

"This better be quick. Don't want to make the princess late for her class again," he tries to joke. It had no effect on me.

Is this how fast feelings change?

"W-where were you on Friday?" I ask him once we're away from the school building, closer to the parking.

My question seems to startle him. I admit I'm sounding like a clingy girlfriend, but Derek has left me with no other option.

"I waited for you after your game," I tell him. "I thought you left for the locker early and waited outside for you. But you never came." I look into his eyes. "It was Owen who told me you left right after the match had ended."

His eyes widen. "T-that's not true." His face turns red from anger. "That Roberts was fucking lying." Or fear.

I ignore him and continue, "You could've at least text me. But no, you didn't. Not even a single call or text the whole weekend," I say. "I called you only God knows how many times, you didn't pick up. I texted you, you didn't reply. You just vanished any explanation. Do you know how worried I was? You could've been dead or badly injured for all I know!" My voice breaks in the end as I sniff.

He tries to step closer but I back away.

"I know you're busy, football is your life, and you literally breathe it. I never minded it. You know why?" I ask him.

"W-why?"

"Because it never made me feel less important to you. You- you cared for me. You always used to be there for me. You used to make my bad days glow. You used to make me feel wanted."

Derek opens his mouth. "I still-"

"No, you don't," I cut him. "You don't want me anymore. You don't care for me. Can you recall our relationship before the senior year? Can remember the last time you asked me how my day was?"

This time, Derek doesn't meet my eyes. "Can you recall the last time you had lunch with me? Or wait for me after school? Or drove me to school? Can you remember the last time we spent some alone time together and were just being ourselves?" I shake my head. "No, you can't. The only little time I get to spend with you these days is the fifty minutes of Chemistry class. That's how much I matter to you now."