Not That Lucky

#35: Fight Because You Don't Know How to Die Quietly

"I knew that I was dying

Something in me said,

Go ahead, die, sleep, become as

Them, accept.

Then something else in me said, no,

Save the tiniest bit.

It needn't be much.

Just a spark.

A spark can set a whole forest on fire.

Just a spark.

Save it."

—Charles Bukowski

__________

Blood. I was losing too much blood. The drugs were still making my heart race, and that was pushing out blood faster than normal. My entire lower body was coated in a shine of red, blood pooling under me as I leaned my back against the couch, and I couldn't see the gold of my gauntlets. They were just red. My braided bracelets soaked with the color. Just red.

Red. Red. Red.

Fingers snapped in front of my face and the ringing in my ears was replaced with sound.

"Look at you." Boss laughed cruelly. "Drugged up. Beaten. Bleeding. Oh, pet, you've fallen so far." My eyes drifted past his pinched, amused features to see Angela standing behind his shoulder. She was frowning. Crying? I opened my mouth, but only a whimper came out. Boss glanced at her then back to me, "Right. Betrayal is sharp, isn't it? Paying off the SHIELD agents in California watching me was easy, hunkering down in the closest ring to where you lived was also easy, but getting you to come? I waited and waited, but you never showed up."

"I—" I gasped.

"Luckily, I know you, pet." Boss grinned, his eyes void of anything other than enjoyment and thrill. "I knew you'd do anything for the people you consider a friend."

Angela stepped forward, shaking her head, "I'm sorry. I had to. I had no choice. The deal was too good."

"Amber." I breathed. Talking made my gut ache. Was that normal? I shook my head, "Mj. Amber and Mj...How could you... They love you."

"You took care of them for me, and I'm so thankful." Angela replied. "But Boss offered me a spot in the new ring he's creating. I can't make a name for myself in the real world. I need the ring."

"Angela..."

She shook her head and stepped back, "That's not my name."

"Angela, please, you don't—"

"That's not my name!" She snapped. "I am Hammerhead. You just don't get it, okay?" She sounded desperate. Like she was trying to convince herself more than me. "If our roles were reversed you would've done the same thing, Small Fry."

"My name... My name is Aj." I said softly, more disappointed than angry. I shook my head at her, "And I wouldn't have. I wouldn't have."

Angela stumbled back like I had hit her, and I watched as her face twisted into horror. Boss snapped a curse at her. He shoved the gun he had shot me with into her hands and came closer to me. I tried to get Angela to meet my eyes, to do something with the weapon in hand, but she just continued to backpedal away staring at the floor.

"You're dying." Boss' voice made me look back to him. He was knelt down in my space. One foot resting between my legs, and his kneeling thigh pressed against the outside of my left one. Blood was soaking into his slacks, they had to be, but he didn't even seem phased.