Living with the Nurse

Chapter 1: Jess

Marie, watched me suck muck out of my daughter's throat. She had the type of look on her face that told me she was not going to be finishing her lunch. I tried not to laugh, slanting her the 'grow up' look. No matter how many times she had seen me suction Lucy, she still managed to have the same reaction.

"What? It's gross!" Finishing with Lucy, I turned her suction off, curling the tube back into the basket beneath her wheel chair. Lucy went back to what she had been doing, gurgling and grinning at anything and everything. I tickled her tummy, delighted when she started giggling all over again.

She brought her hand up to her face, cheekily pulling at her oxygen tubes. She knew what she was doing, and she knew she was being cheeky. I loved it when she was like this, even if she could get a little naughty. I would take a happy Lucy any day.

"You cheeky monkey!" grinning, I grabbed her hands and held them, playing along with her. Marie laughed, making faces at Lucy. Shaking my head, I kept a hold of Lucy's hands while reaching out to eat my lunch with the other. I regretted not getting a sandwich, or chips- salad was too difficult to eat with just one hand. Especially when squirting antiseptic gel onto my hand first, and trying to rub it in quickly.

"So, what are you going to do when you leave hospital?" Marie was worried, understandably. I was too. And we had a good reason to be worried.

"I honestly don't know. I mean, we have another two weeks before they think I'll be ready to take her home. They want to do a graduated discharge and eventually involve a nursing home. I don't want her to go there, though. I mean, I wouldn't be able to go with her. We're just going to be doing it at the hospital. I'll do her care and they will watch. Eventually I'll be able to take her home for a couple nights and then go back to the hospital. I just need to find a place" Marie nodded, processing everything. It was probably what she had expected, the fresh details only having become finale this morning.

I was constantly amazed at how easily she accepted the constantly changing details, especially when I usually could barely keep up with them. One minute the social worker was saying one thing, then the next a doctor was saying something else. It was confusing, to say in the least. There was at least a solid plan now, after this morning. The whole squad of doctors looking after Lucy had met with me. We had discussed everything- from my nursing capabilities to applying for a carer's pension- in there, even if I had pretended to be less worried about finding a place to live than I was.

They didn't need to know I was starting to panic. Or that I was terrified of failing my baby. Young and stupid, was what my mother's voice was telling me. She was at the back of my mind, reminding me of my age and inexperience. She hadn't responded to my pregnancy well, kicking me out the following day. It was a double whammy, dumped then kicked out, but Marie was there for me. She's always there for me.

"You can stay with me. You're always
welcome" Becoming blindly hopeful for a second, I remembered where she lived. Not only was it too far from the hospital, but she lived in a two story house with her fiancé. The bathroom and bedrooms upstairs, along with another set of stairs out the front. I could just imagine the nightmare of getting Lucy around, especially with her wheel chair.

"It's not suitable. Stairs. I won't be able to get Lucy up stairs everyday, especially in an emergency. I need to find a place that is close to the hospital, and at ground level. And, it needs to be affordable. Thanks, though" letting my shoulders drop, I sighed heavily. I wanted to get Lucy out of the hospital, but needed to find somewhere to go first. I probably could have naught myself a little more time before discharge of I sucked up my pride and admitted defeat to the doctors, but I wasn't willing to admit my failure just yet.

Marie seemed like she was about to say something, but stopped herself. Instead of saying what she had obviously been about to, she announced she was going to head off to go see her brother. I was faintly suspicious, knowing how she could be, but ignored it. She had a habit of tricking people into doing things, but when it came down to it? It was always with their best interests at heart. She liked to meddle, and she was good at it.

"He's working at a new place, and is getting all the crappy hours because of it. I hardly get to see him anymore. Hopefully they'll give him better hours once he's been there for a while" grinning, she went to Lucy and gave her a loud smacking kiss on the cheek. I waved her off, laughing when Lucy started getting cranky. She always had little mood swings, going from happy and giggly one minute to screaming the next.

It was part of her brain injury, and wasn't as bad as she had been months earlier. This little episode had probably been set off by Marie leaving, something that usually upset Lucy. She was worse when I left. Much, much worse. While she was getting a little loud, she wasn't too bad- in consideration of her past tantrums.

An older woman, sitting at the next table, was throwing filthy looks. She had done the same thing when I was suctioning Lucy as well. Ignoring her, I focused on calming Lucy down. She was started to pale, her oxygen saturation was dropping, which was then causing her alarm to blare. I quickly silenced the alarm, not wanting to disturb anyone, but it was too late for the lady beside us. I was like she was waiting for a reason to say something.

"Can't you quieten that child? This is a public place. We should be allowed to enjoy our lunch without so much noise" I looked up at her, taken aback. She was one of those women that had perfect make up, perfect hair, too much expensive jewellery and acrylic nails. She was either perfectly fine with ageing, or fighting it. Probably never had kids, either.

Her lunch date didn't seem to know what to say, obviously not wanting to upset her friend. I focused my hands on calming Lucy down, having to increase her oxygen a tiny bit. Pushing and pulling her chair, I stroked her face with my other hand. Looking back to the complaining lady, I tried to keep my voice as calm as possible. Lucy didn't need to hear that I was upset, that would only set her off more.

"If you wanted to have a nice quiet lunch, you should've gone to a place that wasn't next to a hospital. She's a child. You don't need to be so ignorant" Lucy was starting to calm, pulling at my hand and becoming happy again. L

"So what if there's a hospital next door? It isn't part of the hospital. Just because your kid's retarded doesn't mean you own the place"

I don't know if it was just me who froze, or the whole place, because everyone certainly quietened down. I didn't get the chance to say anything before a group of nurses, sitting near by, spoke up. They had probably heard everything, and had looked ready to say something from the start.

"You should be ashamed of yourself. It's because of people like you that people like this woman and her child struggle to find a good place to eat" I tuned out of the argument that followed, still reeling over the fact that she had called my baby a retard. She had called Lucy retarded. I mean, yes she technically is mentally retarded. And here this woman was, throwing the word around like it was nothing more than a common insult.

Shaking my head, I packed everything up and stood. I didn't bother with the woman, just leaving. I had enough shit to worry about, without some bitch winging. Lucy was due for her medications, anyway. Then she needed to have a nap. Once she was asleep, I could get back to searching for a place to live.

"Don't you worry, Lucy. We don't care. Do we? We're getting out soon" as long as I could find a place. If I found a place. The thought was depressing, but it was the harsh reality. Sometimes life really sucked.