Jar Of Hearts

Chapter 5:Ponderous

     “You think raccoons are cute? Hey, you’re cuter.”

     Beomgyu couldn’t perceive why the two weren’t dating. The two being his friends, Yeonjun and Soobin.

     It wouldn’t add up. They both owned decent amounts of hearts, were genuinely good friends and, on top of that, were visibly comfortable with each other. Wasn’t that enough to give them the irrevocable push? What was holding them back?

     Their back and forth game had been going on for a little over a year and Beomgyu wasn’t certain with how Soobin had managed to keep it in. How he had been able to conceal everything he was so clearly feeling had remained a mystery. It was tortuously obvious how the boy was flustered by the older, yet he initiated no change. Neither of them did.

     Soobin always had his eyes on Yeonjun, his expression affectionate as his soft gaze spelt out his love for him. His mere presence was enough to ease him. It showed he was willing to wait, no matter how long it was.

     Their display made Beomgyu wonder what it was like to be in love yet again. What it was like to share those fleeting, feathering touches, hardly there. To subtly have your heart pick up its pace when that specific person looks your way. He pondered over what it would be like to home the rush of adrenaline from the most trivial of actions having tremendous effects. To be loved in that way.

     He never possessed a sweet love like that. Maybe he had, but what was once his most enamoured memories had morphed into things he frantically wanted to forget. He didn’t need a wicked repeat.

     All of a sudden, he felt displeased and annoyed with himself. He felt angry for thinking of love— of weakness so frequently throughout the last few days. Up until a while ago, he never thought twice about what it would be like if he had fallen once again. He never thought of love as a whole. He never had a problem with it nor had it crossed his mind all that much. It was never an obstacle in his life ever since his last relationship.

     What had changed?

     It was like a switch had abruptly flipped and the thought of being someones was carved irritatingly in his mind. As if everything he’d so desperately dodged and avoided had barged back in and sat down, refusing to get back up. No matter what he’d do he would eventually think back to the unattainable possibilities.

     It wasn’t that he wanted it. It was all a jumble of ‘what if’.

     Still, it didn’t make him resent it any less.

     “Gyu,” Yeonjun beckoned him from the opposite side of the table. He was sitting beside Soobin, their shoulders brushing despite the broad scope of the booth, “how’s the bet going?”

     “It’s going,” Beomgyu grumbled, mood foul from his mess of thoughts.

     Yeonjun clicked his tongue, brushing back his brown hair. “No, I mean, is he into you yet?”

     “I don’t know,” he mumbled, fiddling with his glass. He didn’t think Taehyun was, but he didn’t feel the need to express it. “He hasn’t shown signs or anything.”

     “Maybe he’s good at hiding his feelings,” Yeonjun smirked, egging him on.

     Soobin poked Yeonjun's side, an exaggerated frown playing at his lips, “Why are you feeding into his ego?” he pouted, “You’re supposed to be on my side.”

     “I know. I’m rooting for you, babe,” Yeonjun ridiculed, amused by how quickly Soobin’s face crimsoned at the pet name. To Beomgyu, it was quite revolting. What would the two be like if they were together when they acted like it now? “Still counting on that date.”