Yaya~
I'm so over it, I'm so tired and drained of the torture. He doesn't want me, Why hold me captive if you don't want me? Why put me through this hell if you don't love me?
I need to know why, why put me through so much pain. He says he's not cheating, but my thoughts say otherwise.
'You don't love me, You don't! If you did you wouldn't like to see me hurt. You would see my pain and you would try to do better to see me happy. You would try to change for me. But I feel like you haven't even tried.' I felt the tears starting to run down my face.
'You hurt me, you've tortured me physically, emotionally and mentally. You argue with me every single day, you don't think.' I thought.
Bhris left the room awhile ago, at this point I'm sitting in my bedroom talking in my mind and I know he hears my thoughts. I know he is listening to my every thought. I know he can hear every word.
'You. Don't. Love. Me so let me go' I cried out thinking.
'NO!' I heard him say in my mind
'Why?!' I screamed.
'You don't love me, you keep me here for your entertainment' I sadly expressed.
'I'm not letting you go' I heard him say in my mind.
I shook my head so over it, so fucking furious.
" IM NOT LETTING YOU GO!" I heard in front of me causing me to look up.
Seeing him in front of me upset and mad caused me to cry. I felt my pain and I felt it hard in that moment. "I can't let you go" he said with a crack in his voice signaling he about about to cry.
I heard his pain in his voice, he caused me to cry even more. " I do love you I do try But yet you don't see it. You! Pick these fights with me. I don't want to fight, I don't want to argue but you do!!"
I huffed, shocked to hear him opening up to me.
" All I want to do is love you unconditionally and fuck you until I can't no more every single fucking day" I just looked at him, watching his emotions jump out of his body.
" You don't want to stay!" He said sounding angry, I watched his eyes turn black. I'm not scared or terrified, unfortunately I'm used to it by now.
" I know why you don't want to stay, I really do hear you on that, But I try and try and try and try to make you happy, to make you want to stay. I don't want to keep trying to fix myself if you don't want me." He said with the tone of seriousness.
"But if you don't want to stay here, get the fuck out Yaya." He said to me like I was his enemy, like I wasn't the person he supposedly loved.
" I don't want to stay here Bhris" I said calmly while looking at him. I watched him as he silently sighed while putting his head down, it was like he was thinking, we stood there in silence for a few minutes, which felt like hours, before he finally slowly looked up at me staring back into my eyes.
"Get the Fuck out, don't pack yo shit, just put your shoes and jacket on and get the fuck out before I kill your ass." He said aggressively
I forward my eyebrows together as I shockingly threw my head back by his request.
" Get The Fuck Out Bitch" his tone got darker and deeper. I took that as a sign to get the fuck out. I got up and immediately head for my shoes and jacket which was in the closet then I quickly put them on and walked down the stairs looking at my exit, as I touched the door handle I heard a light chuckle.
" You really leaving?" I didn't once look at him I just stood at the door, holding the handle.
" YOUR leaving with MY baby?!" He said louder.
I twisted the door handle, opened the door and walked out, I don't know where I am but I was leaving away from here. He can see his baby whenever the fuck he wants to but I'm not staying here. I need a break from him, just a little one maybe for about a month, then I can come back so he can see the growth of his child. I want him to be involved in my child's life, that's no doubt but, however I do need some space from him.
