Dear Yang Jungwon ⚊ Letter Series #5

letter twelve

Dear Diary,

I don't think there would not be a biggest regret of mine, but of not talking to Jungwon when I had the chance.

When I began to read his letters to me in order to cope at his demise, I realised that he had been hesitating in the decision of approaching me and making a move as well.

In every meeting we had however short it was, he had written every part and details about it especially with the disappointment he felt when I abruptly left the studio after Sakura unnie invited him in to talk.

If only I hadn't been too much of a coward, if only I didn't waited for too long, then maybe the never ending regret would not be present that I felt the most intensely every time I walked inside the agency's building.

There is no way to get rid of it, of regret whenever I passed Enhypen's studio and for the first month of his death, you could never heard a noise there at all. It was dead silent inside, like everyone there is a ghost.

And everyone wasn't surprise that Belift had to halt all the activities of the remaining five members of Enhypen then went to announce they will be in a long hiatus in recognition to the group's recent lost.

What they didn't share to the public is that, every member would undergo a therapy with a psychologist and some counsellors that would help them with the trauma they must've been experiencing after two deaths of their precious friends within only two years.

I don't even want to imagine how they were acting now around their dorm, knowing already two person is missing there and forever will they not return.

And this morning, I saw Niki leaving with what they said is his mom. It looked like every member would now go onto their homes and that's understable given that it would be too much to stay in a dorm full of memories of Park Jay and Yang Jungwon.

Also it would be such a big deal to lost such a big role of a leader that it makes me wonder what would happen next to Enhypen.

As for me, I can't really focus on our suspended debut. I feel like laying all the time and I was so down I couldn't even eat properly at times.

How could it be painful like this when he had never been mine in the first place?

I'm not sure. I'm not sure anymore what will I do next in the knowledge I will never see you again, Yang Jungwon.

Maybe they were right when they said I'm already inlove with you and yet you will never know.

But I hope you're happy up there, probably looking more like an angel than anyone in heaven and for sure, you're watching now with your bestfriend, Jay over your co-members and fans that were still grieving.

Who wouldn't ever grief when the world lost such a beautiful souls?

✏ y/n

"It's not your fault, remember that", is what Yiyang continuesly tells to Y/N when she finally shared the truth about the flower shop.

She made Y/N feels a lot better with her comforting reasoning. But the brokenhearted girl doesn't think the guilt and regret would go away soon. She doesn't even know if the Idol path was still for her.

All she wanted is to cry and grief about the boy that will never be hers due to the cirmcumstances.

"Try writing", Yiyang insisted with an encouraging smile, "Isn't that what you did before for him? Not a letter but what about a song this time? You could dedicate it to him and who knows how it would turn out?"

Y/N lowered her eyes on the notebook she never opened again after that day, but still always brought with her anywhere she goes, "I don't know what to write about now that he's gone..."

"Write about the situation and everything that you felt inside just to get it off from your chest. Write about what you regret. Write about what could happen if only you had not been a coward. It's up to you and what your heart is screaming, Y/N"

Yiyang pushed herself away from the girl and went to the door with a shaky smile, "What if it becomes your greatest hit, the one dedicated to your dead crush?"

Y/N nodded slowly, "Oh, thank you for the idea, Yiyang", she peered down at her notebook again and for the first time in weeks, a small smile graced her lips.

Perhaps she could now write the great song she had been dreaming about to produce and to share it to the people around the world.

Isn't that the point of it all? To share how one time, there was a beautiful boy who could've been hers, if only she hadn't been overcome by her fear.

And maybe just maybe, in this song, she can bring a comfort to anyone grieving over Yang Jungwon.

That would be enough to bring him back to life in their memories.