Insouciant [h.s]

01

21st December 2020
5 years later

Kaia

Scarves, woollen gloves, puffer jackets, beanies — is what the streets consist of, now is the first day of winter. I've always been a winter girl, getting to put on an oversized scarf, and sit curled up in a homey cafe while reading and watching the snowfall.

The new york street was full of bustle today, my small body being knocked left and right whilst walking straight down the huge sidewalk. It's okay though because you expect nothing less for Christmas time. All the busy, snobby and rich businessmen buying their wife and their side piece Christmas gifts that they left until the last minute.

I only need to buy gifts for Kurtis this year, both of us being single children — dead parents, we celebrate Christmas together. We've been spending Christmas together since 2012. Even in foster homes, we'd sneak out to see each other.

With neither of us being well off in the money department, we usually will buy one expensive and meaningful gift for each other. Kurt is a sucker for tattoos, and always mentions how we should get a tattoo together - so what better Christmas present than to pay for our tattoos.

The first step of this plan was finding a safe and sterile tattoo parlour, and I did. The second step was working my ass off to save enough money for both our tattoos, and I did. And the third step was organising dates and times to book our appointment, and that was today.

Today I was going to get a tattoo, a piece of artwork the was going to stick with me forever.

We have an appointment at brute ink at around 6 today in the heart of new york. It was just after 5 o'clock, and my stomach was in knots. So I was currently walking down the cold wintery new york streets, and my nerves continued to rise. With my head down I weaved in and out between people.

The further I walked, the people seemed to disappear. My hand dives into my purse to retrieve my ex-boyfriend's lighter and a pack of cigarettes —Marlboro lights. Opening the carton and pulling out one of the cancerous sticks and placing it between my lips.

Is it a disgusting habit, yes. But they calm me down.

Biting my nails and driving too fast used to be my worst habit, but now smoking is. It's not like I smoke that often. I can go weeks and months without smoking. I plan to stop once I'm less stressed, god knows when that will be though.

I light the cigarette between my lips and wait for it to catch alight, returning the carton of cigarettes into my purse.

I take the dwindling cigarette between my lips and take one last inhale before throwing it to the ground.

I walked the rest of my way in peace, realizing overthinking would just stress me out. The appointment was at 'around 6' by what the man on the phone said but being late was not an option for me, whether the people cared or not. Being punctual was very important to me.

When I turned onto the street the parlour was on and saw I only had 5 minutes until 6, I speed walked. I ran toward the green light-up sign that read tattoos, it looked trashy. Pushing the glass doors, the doors deceived me — they were fucking heavy.

Stumbling into the tattoo shop, I am faced with Kurtis flicking through designs. His long blonde hair was tied up into a bun. His laugh made me instantly embarrassed.