Finding Beauty (Rewrite)

Chapter 45

~The Beast~

He had not listened to music since Bethany left.

It was for the fear that a song would come on that would remind him of her. It would transport him back to a memory too beautiful for his melancholy heart. It would hurt too much to know he would never make such a joyful memory again.

There was truly nothing left for him to do but waste away.

The one thing he had selfishly and wrongly found direction in, being a vigilante, was no longer something he could do. It wasn't something he even wanted to do. Spending time with Bethany had slowly taken its place. The rush he got from stopping a criminal was replaced with seeing her smile, hearing her poke fun at him just to get a reaction.

That was what he wanted back.

It was a selfish desire.

Getting that back would mean trapping her. Maybe not literally but figuratively. A life with him wasn't a life at all.

In the truest sense, this was what he deserved. He had taken her from people in her life and now they had taken her back. He would get a taste of what her friend Grayson had felt. He himself would be stuck in a limbo of nothingness much like he had put his victims into when he turned them into roses.

All was set back into place.

Teigan would watch people outside his window often. His apartment was on the highest floor of the building and so the chances of someone seeing his hideous form were slim. As he watched them speed walk past each other, weaving through crowds and lost in their own worlds, he wondered if any of them knew Bethany.

Did Bethany ever think about him? Did she ever glance back at the life she previously knew or was she paving over it with disgust?

Sometimes he indulged himself in imagining she would find him again - even if it was only for a visit. He dreamed that she might care enough to know if he was okay.

The skies were crying in New York City. He followed the trails of mini rivers running down his window panes, the condensation was beginning to fog them up. Bringing his knees to his chest, he pressed his forehead up against the cool glass.

Is she okay?

Beth's mother didn't hold too much promise. He worried about what Bethany may come back to find but had faith that when she said she would begin to put up boundaries between the two of them she meant it. Assimilating back into her life would be a challenge too. She was gone for months. Life had moved on without her and finding her place back could prove to be tricky to navigate.

Despite that, she would handle it. She didn't need him but he wished he could be there nonetheless. He wished he had some clarity on whether or not she wanted him.

He certainly wanted her.

He wanted the pleasure of taking her out to places, of holding her hand, of sitting beside her. He wanted all the mundane things that came with a relationship. He wanted a life without the curse and with Beth.

He picked himself up and dragged his body to the kitchen to eat. Oftentimes he asked himself what the point was. If the next sixty years of his life would consist of rotting in a desolate apartment with no one but his mother trapped as a rose and a reminder of his failure, he was not certain he wanted a life.

He turned on the TV to a random channel. As he sat down in front of it he recognized the show as the one Bethany would watch and he would criticize. The main character was crying because she had done something awful to one of the other characters. She sat outside her house, weeping on the grass as if she was the victim.

He shook his head at her.

We deserve this, he thought. All of our actions must have consequences.

This was his: a life without Beth.