You Save Me

11

Talk. He wanted to talk.

Meredith gripped her coffee cup tighter in her hands, trying to process everything that he had just told her. He'd just left his wife after she'd told him that she was pregnant with his best friend's baby. She had thought that he would be completely upset right now, but the way he was looking at her...she wasn't sure why but she felt completely safe.

"Mer?" he asked, leaning forward slightly. "You okay?"

"Yeah," she shook her head slightly, shifting to pull her legs up under her. "You want to talk?"

"I do," he said, looking at her carefully for a moment. "I...I have no idea how to say what I want to."

That couldn't be good. "Just say it," she whispered softly.

"I realized something today," he said after a long pause. "I wasn't a good husband to Addison, I knew that. I knew that I was being a bad husband for a long time. But today for the first time I realized exactly how bad of a husband I was."

She frowned as she shook her head slightly. "I'm not following you," she said slowly.

"I told Addison that she wasn't the only one having an affair," Derek said softly. "Because even though you and I haven't slept together and we never even kissed until last night...I found myself falling in love with you when I was still married to her."

"What?" Meredith breathed, reaching to set her coffee cup on the table with shaking hands.

Derek swallowed hard. "I didn't realize it," he said softly. "I knew that I was attracted to you and that I liked spending time around you, but...I was married. I thought it was physical, and that it would go away. But I was wrong."

"And now?" she whispered softly, almost afraid to hear his answer.

"Now," Derek said, reaching tentatively for her hand, his gaze kept on hers. "I think I'm falling in love with you, Meredith Grey."

"No," she shook her head, grabbing her hand back and shaking her head fiercely. "No, you're not, Derek?"

"What?" his expression was a mix of confusion and disappointment.

"You can't fall in love with me, Derek," she shook her head. "I'm...me."

"I know," he said. "You're Meredith. You're completely adorable. You ramble, you eat way too much, you're determined to make yourself matter in the world. You don't admit it, but you love to let loose and have fun, especially if it involves acting immature. Your giggle is completely infectious, and your nose scrunches when you laugh. Your eyes take my breath away, and I love the way your hair smells like some kind of flower. And..." his voice trailed off as he stared at her, his eyes glazed over slightly as he offered her a small smile.

"And what?" she asked, wanting to hear what else he had to say. Because as much as she needed to fight this...she loved the things he was saying to her.

"And last night," Derek said. "When I was more hurt than I had ever been in my life, all I wanted was you. And you helped me feel better. The way you ran your fingers through my hair, the way you looked at me...everything you did was completely perfect, Mer. And I don't know exactly what I'm feeling, but...I know that it's stronger than anything I've ever felt before."

"Derek, you can't be in love with me," she said. "You just left your wife, and you just... you're in a weird place right now or whatever. You can't say things like that."

Derek stared at her for a long moment before he nodded. "You're right," he said. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," she murmured. "I don't...I'm flattered, Derek, and I guess I have feelings or whatever too. But it's too soon."