You Save Me

16

She hated this.

That was all Meredith could think as she looked around her empty room, two suitcases open in the corner, clothes tossed haphazardly in them. Her furniture was gone, save for her bed, which she was leaving with Lexie, and the walls were bare. Her bathroom had been stripped clean of everything except the essentials, and even the living room looked bare since she'd packed up her belongings, leaving Lexie's things to look minimal in the already small living room.

Derek and Lexie were downstairs loading the last few boxes into the moving van, and then her entire life would be on its way to Seattle, where she would meet it the next day at her mother's house.

And then her life would never be the same.

She and Derek had somehow managed to avoid the subject of her moving, not even wanting to talk about it as he'd spent the past two days helping her pack her bedroom into boxes small enough to fit into the small u-haul she'd hired. She wasn't stupid, she knew that this was the end. But that didn't mean that she didn't wish that this wouldn't end, that she could fall asleep with Derek every night for the rest of her life, even if it wasn't possible. It was an honor for her to be selected to Seattle Grace, she couldn't give that up for him, in the same way that he couldn't give up his practice for her.

So she was going to spend one last night in his arms, then board the plane tomorrow, landing just in time to make it to the mixer for the new staff of the hospital. Maybe they would keep in touch, maybe they wouldn't. But for now all she wanted was to spend every moment she could with him.

"Hey Mer," Lexie's voice came from the doorway, and she turned to see her sister standing awkwardly in the front.

"Hey," she said. "Where's Derek?"

"Getting things settled with the movers," Lexie said. "I know you want to spend most of the time you have left with Derek, so I figured I would say goodbye now."

"You don't have to," Meredith shook her head. "This is your apartment, you should be able to stay here."

"I know, but it's okay," Lexie said. "You two deserve privacy. It's probably going to be awhile before you see each other again."

"If we see each other again," Meredith sighed, dropping down onto the bed.

"What?" Lexie frowned.

"When we started this thing," Meredith shrugged. "We decided it would be a fling. Something for a couple months because we knew I was leaving. So we're not going to keep this going."

"But you have to," Lexie said. "You're perfect together."

"We can't, Lexie," Meredith said. "I'm moving to the other side of the country. And I'm going to be an intern. I'm not going to have time to sleep, let alone fly across the country once a month for a weekend thing. It just...it will end badly. I'd rather end it now on a positive note than try to make things work and have it end in a disaster."

"I guess that makes sense," Lexie said. "But...I still don't like it."

"Believe me, neither do I," Meredith shrugged. "But there's not much else I can do."

"Does he even have anywhere else to live?" Lexie asked. "He's been staying here since...well, you know."

"I think he's going to get a hotel or something until he can find an apartment," Meredith shrugged. "I'm not really sure."

"Meredith, have you two even talked about this?" Lexie asked.

"No," she said. "I can't, Lexie, I just can't handle this right now. I'm freaking out enough about being a doctor, I can't regret ending this or think about how we could make it work. It's over. That's what we decided, and it's not going to change, no matter how much we want it to."