For the Want of the Sun • Zuko

chapter two

I am twelve when I meet the Fire Lord.

I have caught glimpses of him before: a face like a hawk, flame-like eyes cruel and calculating. He is tall and broad, and cloaked in red. Zuko tells me he wants to be like him, and I cringe.

    Zuko has grown and is still the same boy I knew, but shadowed. He has a desperation for his father's attention, and wants to be the Crown Prince that a King would be proud to have take up his stead. I always tell him that he already is all these things, but he would rather hear it from him. Azula is the favorite, to no fault of Zuko's, but he doesn't see it that way. I have accepted that she is gone now, no longer the little girl whose hair I brushed and whose hand I held, though it hurts. She is like her father: a leader, by means of terror and cruelty. Even her own friends seem to fear her, as her country does.

    I like her friends very much. When she is not preoccupied with courtrooms and training, she spends her time with two girls: Mai and Ty Lee. They come from nobility, as a companion of a royal child should. Sometimes, when Azula is called away, and Zuko chooses to train instead of play, I talk to them. Zuko seems to like them, too, maybe one more than the other. Mai always seems to light up when Zuko is around, breaking her stony facade for a moment. Her cheeks, usually pale and unsmiling, are tinted with a flush of pink.

    I like Mai, but I find myself drawn to Ty Lee. She is all pink and laughter and warm hugs, and she teaches me gymnastics. She holds my hand in hers, and I don't really want to let go, not even when Azula glares, not really ever. She tells me I am pretty and I turn away, smiling. I think she is pretty, too. She is with me when Zuko is not, and although I miss him, her company is a welcome one. He has been around less and less lately, preoccupied with work and princely duties. But Ty Lee finds me, and I am glad. I let her braid my hair, and we pretend we are princesses, but not the Fire Nation kind. We never speak of princes, only of each other, and how we would come to each other's rescue, slaying the dragon and braving the castle. I live in our pretendings, and I feel myself on fire.

    One day when I am twelve, Zuko comes to me, and he is grinning. He comes to my room, shaded in the light of the late afternoon. I raise my eyebrows at his brightness, and the corners of my lips raise in amusement.

    "What's got you so happy?" I ask. He smiles wider and stands straight, his head raised proudly.

    "I'm going to fight a general in an Agni Kai."

The smile falls from my face instantly, and I stand up. "What?"

Zuko nods, and his eyes glow with child-like excitement. "Uh-huh! I was at Father's meeting and I...kind of spoke out of turn, but it's ok! I'm fighting the general tomorrow!"

    My brows are furrowed, and my chest is tight. "Zuko..." I say, and I don't want to rob him of his enthusiasm. "Just...are you sure you're ready for this? I mean, a general is a big deal-" "Of course I'm ready, Y/n! I'm the prince! I've had the best firebending training there is."

    His face is glowing and his eyes are eager, and his smile has grown more foriegn to me over the last year, so I allow it. "Ok, then," I say, and I reach for his hand, which he gladly slots against mine. I pull him, and we both fall atop my bed, which is pushed fully against the wall. The mattress is soft under our backs, and it dips with our weight. It is a while before we move or speak, simply existing next to each other in silence. Every once in a while, I feel his thumb move against the back of my hand, or my knuckles. His breathing is soft, and he turns to me.

    "I missed this," he says, and he sighs and looks away again. "I'm sorry I've been gone so much, we used to see each other everyday. I...I hope we can again, and maybe after the fight we could...spend some time together."