Burntout- Techno Angst

3

After about twenty minutes of the same thing, Techno finally felt stable enough to leave the store. He could feel the judgemental eyes of other shoppers on his as he weakly drug himself outside. He promptly got into his car and groaned. What the hell was the point of all that? Why did he do that? Disgruntled, he started his car and drove off.

...

Upon re-entering his home, realization hit him like a truck. He had really gone and had an entire breakdown in a fucking store. He was so pathetic that he couldn't even keep his composure to do some shopping. How was he ever going to show his face in that store again? He surely couldn't!

If he couldn't go to that store, what was he going to do? 'Well...' Techno reasoned 'I suppose there's always delivery...' Of course, why did it take him so long to think of that? This was the obvious answer that meant he wouldn't have to leave his house at all, for a while anyway.

"Perfect." Techno forced himself to smile. Some good news. That was what he needed. He decided to order in pizza for the night, as he was too tired to put much effort into making something with what little he had at home.

But Techno never seems to catch a break, does he?

Of course, when the pizza arrived, it wasn't... quite what he expected. He realized he'd ordered the wrong kind of pizza. It was fine though, all really had to do was pick off the bad bits and-

No.

Don't be a baby.

Just eat it as is.

But why?

Because you're not a fucking child anymore.

With that, Techno started shoving pizza into his mouth. The crust was too dry. There were too many flavors. Tears pricked Techno's eyes, but he persisted. Eventually he couldn't hold back his sobs and slammed the slice in his hand back onto the table.

His hands found their way into his hair, pulling out small strands here and there. Tears streamed down his face, and Techno conveniently recalled the events of that morning. He still needed a project. He still needed to stream too. Fuck, why was everything so damn hard?!

Techno angrily pushed himself up from the kitchen table and started heading towards his bathroom to calm down and freshen up for stream. He knew he shouldn't stream in his state, he knew he should reach out for help, but he just couldn't bring himself to do so.

While he was splashing water in his face, Techno felt a very familiar numbness. His eyes stared at his bathroom cabinet. With a shaking hand, Techno opened the cabinet and reached behind the various products that resided here. Techno's hand brushed up against something sharp and metal. Bingo.

When Techno had set aside this blade a few weeks ago, he swore he'd never use it. He swore it was just a safety measure. But here he was, grasping the sharpened blade in one hand, and turning over the other. Techno placed the blade onto his skin. Blood for the blood God...

Thick red blood poured out of his wounds. The pain was searing and his body seemed to try to move away to stop him from doing this, but was for the most part unsuccessful. Techno slashed across his wrists, creating thick red lines from which you could see the fat of his tissue. Techno didn't mess around, these were deep cuts, especially for a first try.

He kept going until his body finally convinced him to cut it out. The pain was almost unbearable and the bleeding wasn't going to stop anytime soon. Shit. He'd really gone and messed up this time.