Burntout- Techno Angst

5

Techno's eyes fluttered open to see last night's call still on. Techno stretched lazily and ended the call, assuming Phil had gone off to do something else since he couldn't hear him. He glanced down at his arm, memories of the night prior flooding back to him.

Techno rocked his body back and forth. Did Phil mean it when he said Techno hadn't bothered him last night? It felt like he had, but who knows? He really didn't want to hurt Phil. Had he?

The rocking wasn't enough. Techno raced downstairs and threw on his jacket, slamming his front door closed behind him. He then started running. Considering he didn't know the area very well, it was possible he'd get lost, but that was the least of his worries right now. At this moment, all he wanted to do was run. And he did.

For three hours. He ran until he was sure he couldn't anymore, and ended up collapsing in the middle of some forest he didn't recognize. He panted and scrunched his body up into a little ball, waiting for the feelings to pass. After it became obvious they wouldn't, Techno pulled out his phone to try to figure out where he was. He then shakily stood up and began the trek home.

The reality of the situation sunk in. He was out in the middle of nowhere, starving and crying, and nobody knew where he was. If something happened to him,  nobody would know. If he just disappeared now, who would notice.

Techno was reminded of a very specific memory from his childhood. His mother was yelling at his brother for failing a history test. "Why can't you be more like Techno? Techno never fails his assignments!" His mother scowled.

"Techno's retarded! He doesn't even have friends, why would I want to be anything like him?" His brother snapped back.

Techno remembered how those words stung. Was that really how his family viewed him? He ran out of his house, ignoring his mother's frantic calls to him. He wanted to disappear. He wanted to be gone, alone. Just like now. Techno spent his whole life running away when things were hard, and there was very little time when they weren't.

Techno sighed. Maybe he deserved this. Maybe it was his fault his life turned out this way. Or maybe he was being ungrateful and he actually had a good life. Yeah, must've been that last one. He should be happy for having a family, a home, a fanbase, and even money. There were so many people who would trade him lives in a heartbeat, so why did he want nothing more than to rid himself of this lifestyle? He grew very angry with himself. Why couldn't he just accept that this was his life? Why did he feel the need to change it?

Techno sobbed, and stopped temporarily to lean on a nearby tree. He had gotten what he wanted, right? At any moment now, he could just stop trying. He could finally give up. Nobody would even notice if he died here. Not a single soul.

Not one.