The Mistake

A Goodbye Letter

The soft gentle breeze sends consolation to my soul as I stand outside my room, staring at space.

The sky is clear with bright stars and a few gray clouds hugging the moon. The animals sleep in the yard, see a chicken on a wood stand, getting into a bun pose.

I lower my gaze at my hands, both of them clutching tightly to one another. I tried to sleep, get some peace from the news of what Pearl said. But my brain couldn't.

It was still thinking of the day when Maytivoza kissed me.

It was sudden; unexpected, extraordinary. Yet, had a purpose.

The way she pressed her lips to me, accepting it like it only her lips my lips seek, took me to a world I never knew existed.

I was still frightened of women. I still do. I can talk to them and get close to them, like Fatima.

But none of them can make me care about them the way I do with Maytivoza. None of them can make me laugh and mad like her. None of them can make me think the way I think of her.

Especially make me love them like her.

I rise one of my hands up to my lips, let my index finger touch it softly, rethinking my first kiss with someone I love.

I want to do it again. Maybe more than that.

"Why are you still awake?"

I turn my gaze at Richard, walking up to me with no shirt.

His light brown hair is all messy with his sweatpants loosely hanging on his waist.

"Did you go to the bathroom?" I told him, staring at his underwear.

He didn't mind as he stands next to me, staring at the open backyard.  "Well, I didn't expect anyone to be awake, but since it you, eh." He shrugged, not even bothered.

I ignore him, feeling my body cool down from my thoughts.

"So...why are you still awake? Upset at what your mother said on the table?" I see him pull out a cigarette from his pocket, reaching a small black lighter from his other pocket.

"Why do you assume that's the reason why I'm awake?" I hiss at him, see his face unfazed from my words.

"Because it looked like for me you were thinking about that girl." He puffs out a low gray smoke from his mouth, takes another.

I didn't answer him as I let myself be distressed about tomorrow. "How was she like?"

"Who?" He asked.

"Georgina," I told him.

He didn't like that as he lower his head, sighing in misfortune. "Just like your mother. Always causing chaos around her."

He took another puff, similar to the way mum does it. "But why you ask? You always seem to hate us. Given we didn't..." He paused from his words as I can sense the tension he's about to bring.

"Don't worry. I never really cared until now." I ease the pain that was about to occur, involuntarily touching the golden bracelet in my pocket.

Richard looked at my action, bowing his head again. "Hmm. I don't think you know this. But I always feel like I fail in taking care of my children, you know? I fail to have you here with me when you were a child, my only son. I fail to get my eldest daughter married. Even if it's a dumbass, as long it someone, it's doesn't matter to me. And I fail to protect my young daughter from the world she's fighting to see. I fail on all of you."

He suddenly start splatting words that strangely made me feel guilty for him. The words that he utters had expectations that I never thought I'll hear from him.