One Week In August

Chapter 4

Friday, August 25th

This isn't a date. It isn't . Tian will be working, and he will have to supervise children. So it can't be a date. But they are meeting up, technically. Tian suggested it. More or less. Or didn't he? Is Phupha getting ahead of himself again and overinterpreting this? He probably is. He's definitely overthinking it, and most likely shouldn't get his hopes up like that and try to be more casual about it. Still, he went out last night to buy a new shirt, this one indigo blue, and quite the unusual choice for him. But the lady in the shop said it suits him well, and the distinctly interested look in her eyes told Phupha that it makes him attractive, so he went ahead and got it to avoid meeting Tian for their possible maybe-date in his worn-out old T-shirt.

When he arrives at the park on this grey and rainy Friday morning, Phupha heads straight to the conservatory, a large, iron-and-glass structure on the southern side of the park. It's peaceful here. No visitors are around this early in the morning, and Phupha is entirely alone. Large palm trees grow all the way to the ceiling, and some areas are so densely overgrown, it feels like he's in the middle of a jungle, the sounds of the outside world muted and seemingly far away. The air is humid, the pungent smell of damp earth surrounding Phupha, with the sweet aroma of flowers mixed into it. He breathes in the scent, all of it feeling familiar, and reminding him of his forest. He knows some of the plants here from his hikes, and while they don't grow as large and strong as they do out in the wild, they give him a feeling of comfort, of belonging almost, in a place so far away from his home. Now that he's entirely shielded from the loud buzz of the city and the outer areas of the park, Phupha feels the tension drop from his body, feels the calming sensation of his nerves finally at ease after days of subliminally being on edge.

He feels inspiration surge through him, a true desire to capture this environment, so he kneels down, leans back as far as he can and angles his camera up to capture the crowns of the trees. Their branches are creating a dim, engulfing canopy above him, with the sunlight filtering through the large, fanned out leaves, making them glow in shades of emerald, and just as he's about to press the shutter, a kaleidoscope of several midnight blue butterflies flutter past his lens, their wings catching the light and making them appear as fleeting silhouettes in the resulting picture.

Phupha wants to stay here, wants to lie down on the ground, close his eyes, and allow his mind and body to rest. He lets his fingers grace over the earth beneath him, feels it catching under his nails and clinging to his skin, cool and damp. And despite the knowledge that this isn't real, that it's an illusion forged by the careful planning of a landscaper, he allows himself to be swept up by it, to be deluded into believing that this is a piece of untouched soil, the mere result of the unpredictable whims of nature. It feels like the closest thing to wilderness he has experienced while being in Chiang Mai.

Phupha feels a wave of homesickness wash over him. He misses the deep, dark quietness of the woods around Pha Pun Dao, and the familiar paths he often wanders, where the undergrowth is bent into a trail in some places from his frequent hikes. He longs for the sight of the rough mountain range that is the backdrop to his house, the deep red sunset and the clear night-sky speckled with stars. He yearns for the nightly silence of the village, the chirping of crickets and birds the only soundtrack to his solitude.

Phupha doesn't belong here. He doesn't belong in the city, and has always felt foreign between the stark, cold markers of civilisation that drown out anything that is real, natural, and pristine. How could he? He has never truly left the village, not for long at least, and knows he will always return to it, no matter how far he travels.

He thinks of Tian, suddenly, and ponders how they could ever be anything more than casual acquaintances. He worries if this will be nothing more than a repetition of his college crush, if they will become an almost , a maybe , a possibility that never went further because Phupha is too stuck in his ways. He thinks that Tian may be the person he'd be willing to make an effort for, the guy for whom he'd endure the constant, long drives between the village and the city, for whom he'd bear the persistent yearning of living apart, and in different worlds. There's something about him that makes Phupha want to try. But why would Tian ever want that?