Closer

Chapter 9

Hello there! This chapter has a trigger warning because it has mentions of abuse and death in it. If you feel uncomfortable reading it, I put a *** where it begins and ends. Enjoy!

Y/n's POV

The car ride was silent. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence, more of an understandable one. There were things I could say to fill it but for some reason I felt it was better to just let it be. I had done something that scared people I care about.

Are they afraid of me?

My hands still shook. Not as violently as before but enough to notice. 

Enough to remember.

I thought I had pushed that awful memory so far down that it wouldn't bother me anymore. I didn't even tell Eddie about what happened. My best friend who has only cared and loved me. The person who makes me feel somewhat normal.

I hit him.

"I'm not gonna ask if you're okay or not. A blind person can see you're far from it." Eddie didn't look away from the road as he spoke. 

"I just want to know how I can help. That's it buddy." He sighed. 

I didn't say anything. I couldn't say anything and I didn't want to. What could I say to him? He wanted answers to the same questions I had. What the fuck happened and why? 

"If you don't want to talk, that's fine. But you can't ignore what happened." He shook his head.

Can't I?

"I'm not here to tell you how to live your life or anything like that. But I am here to make sure you're okay in the end. I can't promise the road to get there won't be shitty." He started.

"But I can promise that I'll be there. Whether you want me there or not." He finally turned his head to me. The look on his face was enough to know that he meant it. 

He turned down a road that led to a small park where I take Emma to play sometimes. He stopped the car right in front of it. 

"Get out." He said unbuckling his seatbelt and got out of the car. I slowly followed him. He went to a small patch of grass and sat down. I watched as he looked back at me expectantly. 

"I doubt you wanna go home when you look like shit so take a seat." He patted the spot next to him. I walked over and sat next to him. We sat there for 15 minutes before I turned to him.

**************

"When I was little, my parents used to fight a lot." I said. He turned to me.

"It was over stupid arguments like putting to toilet seat down, or what channel to watch on the t.v." I started picking at the grass below me.

"One day, I came home after school and my dad was yelling at my mom. She had been sleeping with this guy at work." I paused to try and take a breath but it was to no avail. 

"She said that it had meant nothing and it was just something that happened." I scoffed.

"He called her all these degrading names. Yelling at the top of his lungs how she had been an ungrateful whore who settled for some easy dick." I looked down.

"She got so angry and slapped him across his face." I made the motion with my hand.

"Something in him snapped. He attacked her, punching her in the face. He tackled her to the ground and just kept hitting and hitting and hitting." I panted.

"I saw it all happen. Over and over, hitting and punching. I heard her crying and begging for him to stop until it was quiet." I started to cry.

"I did nothing." I said.

I looked at him, tears in my eyes. He didn't say anything but his face said enough.

"I heard the door open and slam. I walked to where she was. She looked-" I stopped myself. I couldn't breathe.

"She died that day." I said.

"I could've saved her but I was scared. I was scared and she died!" I yelled. Tears streaming down my face.

***************

He was quiet again.

How I hate the silence

"That was the last day I saw my father. I don't know went or where he is. As far as I'm concerned, he was never caught."I finished. I had held on to the secret for a long time. 

"Emma doesn't know because she was very little and away with the babysitter. She thinks that our mother died from a heart attack and I want it to stay that way. We had a closed casket funeral." I said still crying.

Still nothing

"Go ahead, do it. Tell me its not my fault and I shouldn't blame myself. I've been telling myself that for years and that shit doesn't work." I said.

"DO IT!" I yelled at him standing up.

He got up slowly. He looked at me before pulling me into him. He was hugging me.

"I'm not gonna say that shit. You were a kid man, you experienced something that fucked you up. It's okay to feel like shit. Breathe." he said softly. I was hesitant at first, I didn't know what to feel. And at that moment, I didn't care. 

I hugged him back, tears coming down my face again. 

And for the first time in a very long time. 

I could breathe

That was rough. 

-Andrew