Closer

Chapter 11

Y/n's POV

My hands were sweaty and it felt like my heart was beating twice as fast. I didn't want to go downstairs because that would mean having to confront my past and I've already done that more than I would like to.  Its something I know I can't run from forever but I certainly wasn't tired yet. 

Maybe I was overreacting but the whole topic made me uncomfortable and wasn't exactly the happiest of stories. If Madison knew what I did all those years ago, she would see me as the monster I look at every day. I didn't need that on my conscience as well.

It's different with her, I feel better when I'm around her and I couldn't handle it if she was afraid of me. 

I got to the bottom of the stairs but I kept my attention on the floor.  I could feel her eyes on me immediately. 

"Hey Y/n." Her voice was soft and hesitant but it didn't feel distant like I thought it would be. I mean she came to my house to talk so maybe...

"What's so interesting about the floor? You got a pretty girl right in front of you and you'd rather look at the floor?" April walked up to me, hitting me in the back of my head before continuing on into the kitchen. Not without muttering how I'll never get a wife and that Madison was way out of my league anyway. Old hag.

"Are you not going to look at me?" 

"Are you not going to run?"

"I came to talk to you so no, I'm not gonna run."

"You're not afraid?"

"Should I be?"

"Maybe." I looked up at her. Her eyes were still on me, they looked concerned. She took a step forward so I took three steps back. 

"Are you gonna run?" 

"Undecided." I said. I was at least 54% sure this wasn't going to go my way.

"Look, I didn't come here to push or pry into your personal life. I just wanted to make sure you were okay." Madison took another step forward.

"I also want to know where we're at because I'm sick and tired of guessing with you." Her voice was irritated but laced with concern.

"I'm going to ask you a question and I need you to be completely honest with me." Her voice now soft and serious like I was going to shatter at the question.

"Do you want to be with me?" 

It was one of the questions I was wanting to ask myself. Do I want to be with her? Would it be fair to drag her into my messed up life? Should I even make that decision for her?

There were so many thing we didn't know about each other and sides to us we'd never seen before. I wanted to know the little things that pissed her off and made her smile. What her genuine laugh sounded like and not the fake one she gives to get out of a conversation. 

I wanted her to know about my past and the life I've lived so far, but how do you open up to someone when you can hardly do it to yourself? So many things in my life have gone to shit and I really don't want this to be one of them. 

"The answer to that question is more complicated than you think." The floor caught my attention once again.

"Things are only complicated when you're too afraid to do something you want. You start to add all these excuses as to why it can't be easy to hide from the fact that this is a simple yes or no question." Another step.

"You think your life will be easier if you run from everything that makes you feel something. Why, because you think it makes you weak to care?" 

"I know you've had this whole loner thing going on and there is nothing wrong with wanting to be alone sometimes but that has a shelf life. At some point pushing people away isn't protecting yourself, it's just wrong." The next thing I knew, she was standing right in front of me.

"Do you want to be with me?" That question again. She was right, I was making excuses because I was scared of caring for someone. I was weak and because of that I lost my mom. I don't want to lose anyone else. 

But there is more than one way of losing someone.

"Yes."

The amount of "I'm a guy?" comments I get is insane. It's kind of funny. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. You were being a real ass to Madison if I'm being honest like just tell her how you feel. I wonder who wrote you like that.

-Andrew