Still Into You | WROETOSHAW

S I X

Being around Harry again frequently was strange; so much had changed and yet so much was the same. He was still the weird kid with a YouTube channel, I was still the girl who took life a bit too seriously, but we were older and successful in our own rights. We were strangers. The atmosphere still felt tense whenever we were together, but we were able to suck it up for the sake of Callum.

I had been staying over at the apartment a lot more than before as a way to save some money on commuting, but being constantly surrounded by the guy I was once in love with stirred up some feelings inside of me that I couldn't explain. It was comforting having someone from home, here in this big city, but it was also a constant reminder of what could have been.

"You know if you stay for much longer, you're gonna have to pay rent,"

I looked up from where I was cooking at the stove to Harry with his feet kicked up on the sofa, beer in hand.

"If you pull that face for much longer, it's gonna stick,"

He rolled his eyes and turned back to the TV, it was as if he aimed to push my buttons. It was working. Since their visit to my flat, he sought out any opportunity to make a dig at me, it hurt slightly because I didn't know how much truth was behind his words.

"God, why do you guys have it out for each other?" Cal exclaimed, joining Harry on the sofa, "Honestly I thought you guys would get along but it's getting tiring hearing you guys argue all the time,"

We shared a look, not sure of what to say. Going back to stirring my pasta water, I ignored the obvious stare from Callum burning into the side of my face.

"We're not arguing, Cal," I mumbled, not looking up from my current position.

He sighed and rested back on the sofa, Harry daren't look at him. "Right, has something happened? You've both been acting sus and I just don't understand how you can't get along,"

Well, if we're going there, he broke my heart when we were seventeen and I still hold a grudge.

"No,"

"Oh come on, Amelia," Harry groaned, our eyes locking, mine significantly wider than his.

Callum now sat up straighter, brows furrowed, eyes darting between us. I could feel my hands starting to shake with nerves, my heart felt like it was about to come out of my chest.

"Well?"

Sighing, I set the spoon down and shut the stove off, coming over to join them both on the sofa. I kept my distance from each of them, my eyes fixated on my lap. The room felt uncomfortably quiet and as if it were about to close in on me; if the floor could open up and swallow me whole instead, I'd prefer that.

"I'm from Guernsey,"

I watched as the cogs turned behind Callum's eyes, trying to figure out what the big deal was.

"Okay,"

"Harry and I... we're the same age," I mumbled, playing with my fingers and avoiding anyone's eye line.

"Right, so I guess you knew each other then?" He asked, still not understanding completely, "So what? Did you not like each other in school or something?"

"We dated," Harry muttered, "Three years,"

My head shot up at Harry's announcement; if looks could kill, he would be six feet under. What happened to easing into something slowly? Clearly, ripping the bandaid off was more his style, I would know.

Callum stood up, "Wait, so you guys were together? You mean to tell me that you've both been keeping this from me, this whole time?"

Harry rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, gritting his teeth.

"Cal, I'm sorry... there wasn't ever really going to be a right time," Reaching for his hand, he stepped back.

"Why did you break up? Why do you guys hate each other so much?"

I turned to Harry and he was already looking at me, his expression was unreadable but I recognised it, somehow. 

"I moved to London, mate,"

"Don't mate me, right now," He shook his head, "God this is unbelievable. Why did you feel like you had to keep it a secret? You've had me prancing about in front of you this whole time when you guys have a history,"

The guilt was about to eat me alive, there really was no excuse for keeping it under wraps. Tears were threatening to fall and I couldn't let that happen, not again, not in front of Harry.

"I was still hurt," I spoke, not daring to look at the blonde boy to my right after this confession, "It's been so many years and coming here and seeing him was a shock, it brought back some pain and I was... embarrassed, I guess."

There may as well have been a white-hot spotlight over me, nobody was talking, nobody was moving.

Callum ran a hand through his hair, now pacing the room slightly.

"Do you still have feelings for him, is that why you felt you had to keep it a secret?"

It felt like the wind had been knocked out of me, "W-what? It's been seven years, Callum. It was just a lot to process, I'm sorry that I didn't tell you sooner."

He nodded slowly, "Fine. But I need a minute,"

Heading for his room, he shut the door firmly and I let out a breath I hadn't realised I was holding. Resting back against the sofa and letting a tear or two slip, my eyes remained fixated on the window in front of me. Harry hadn't moved from his spot, I wasn't sure that I could move either.

"Amelia..."

"Don't," I snapped, "Just don't,"

He sighed and leant forward, "It's Cal, he'll get over it."

I laughed in disbelief, "How are you so calm about this? Were you not right here?"

"You asked me to be quiet about it," Harry shrugged, "It's not a big deal,"

"Well, it is to me," I snapped, standing up and grabbing my bag, "You don't get it. What if I've ruined things?"

He sat quietly, I ran a hand through my hair frustratedly, "I mean, how was I supposed to react? You were the first person I ever loved. You hurt me so badly and I never saw you again, I didn't plan to. I was perfectly over it until I saw you and here I am, all these years later, crying once again because of you. I'm sorry for needing a moment to get over that,"

My tears were uncontrollable and it was mainly from the guilt, I felt guilty for lying and I felt guilty for what I was saying.

"You're talking about this as if it's one-sided,"

"But you are so unbothered by it!" I cried, "You have not given me anything to suggest that you feel how I do right now, so don't try and spin this,"

"You never gave me the chance to,"

I stopped pacing and looked at him, my eyes now red from crying. Harry didn't say anything else, but instead got up and headed for his room. 

I stood in the middle of the living room, completely overwhelmed. Pulling my bag over my shoulder and wiping my face quickly with the sleeve of my jumper, I headed for the lift, back to my little flat miles away from this mess.